September 12, 2016

semua pun salah

sometimes i felt so pissed off with comment kat Facebook. When the paralympic is getting the medal, some people instead of happy with it, use this opportunity to blame others.. "Ni .. paralympic menang x dpt apa2 ke".. "ehh kenapa 5k je... diorang dpt gold kot.. discrimination".. "kenapa media x byk coverage.. dh meaning 3-4 jam baru kuar kat news". "Ni mana rumah.. xde org nk kasik ke..". .. complaint complaint complaint... Masalahnya.. kalau la dia mmg memperjuangkan right x pe la.. ni saja nk cari benda nk blame. Lain kali belum complaint amik la cermin.. Do we even know their name macam kita tau normal athlete? Ada kita sibuk nk subscribe channel sport nk tgk paralympic.. media tu ikut demand.. dah kita pun amik x lalu je pasal paralympic, diorang pun cover skit je la.. tapi bagus la. this year org OKU ada highlight... hopefully after this treatment kat org oku better..

September 04, 2016

war war war .. again??

There are too much thing to write about this topic until a point I don't know what to write.. hahaha.. But i guess before i lost in my own busy world, it better to jot down something as reminder to the older me.  Recently I went to eastern europe travel.. It kind of eye opening to me. There are a few highlights. So maybe it will be easier to make it in bullet form as it all not related but just a pieces here and there...
  1. Before my travel, a friend give me a book .. Man's Search For Meaning. It was a real experience of a psychiatrist (Dr Frank) in concentration camp, not as psychiatrist but as the prisoner itself. He wrote what happen there, what he felt, what keep he going, how life there change him & people surround him.. how evil manifest itself in camp guard which mostly from the same race with the prisoner and how kindness can be found even in SS or commander (which from German). It really eye opening.. I do have to google something like the "shower head" as it seems to be so obvious to him but not to me.. (imagine how katak tempering am I). To be honest i really cannot imagine if I were in Dr Frank's shoe or even born in during that time.. Either as a prisoner or as the other side of the group.  Not sure what will I do.. Do i have the will to survive.. Do I have the will to fight the evil or will I just tell myself lies that things is OK? It seems obvious when we just seeing it from outside but i wonder if it the same if we are inside. There is another story... Nightingale. it is a fiction but happen during world war 2 in France. How life that is normal turn to a different twist during that war period. I can relate myself more to the older sister which just want thing to be normal..who afraid of everything .. who don't want to challenge the authority.. At this moment, it was so easy for us to condemn the holocaust and to condemn what hitler did was wrong but if we where there at that time, will I still see the same thing or can I able to even see it? It still a question that linger in my head. I really don't know myself.. Most of time i tell myself.. death is for sure, i cannot run form that .. but the thought of dying actually scared me. Sigh..
  2. My second highlight was the trip to Bosnia.. Bosnia just like malaysia.. 3 different major race with 3 different religion. It just need a trigger ..greed and the war happen. From what the guide told us the serb started to attack the bosnia & croat village. Initially bosnia & croat join venture to fight the serb but half way croat is turning his back and attacking the bosnia as well. At the end these 3 races are fighting each other. As I heard this story from a Bosniak of course it kind of sided to Bosniak but as what the guide tell us which i agree, every side has their own story.. has their own pain.. has their own lost. The guy that being killed is someone's son/daughter, someone's father/mother. How things before the war are never the same again.. It will take time to heal. Will it ever heal?
  3. My third highlight was still in Bosnia. I met another Bosniak lady that tell the story of the war from her view. She was young at that time.. During the war, she was sent to Germany to seek for asylum. When the war ended, she was so eager to go back to Bosnia..But it never the same as what she remember.. People changed. There are some story that i heard which said that most of Muslim Bosnia before war are not practicing and after the war, they realise their mistake and become more religious. After the war,  Islamic party - Party of Democratic Action become one of the big party that control Bosnia. What this lady told me, people become more hypocrite.. Before the war people use to practise the religion because they want to practice and believe in it.. but after the war, people goes to mosque to get the politic connection. The tension between different race is even greater.. Religion become a way of achieving worldly thing..Yes.. war changed people.. or war just show the worst of human?
  4. My forth highlight was when i was in Split. It's amazing they still have building from Roman and how you can see different way between Roman, middle ages, communism. It really a wonder how a great civilisation like Roman can go through the dark ages which you can really see the different. We always think, people will always better than before but history tell us it can be otherwise. A friend told me that we are in the era of going to dark ages. Nowadays people are depending on gadget.... little by little we are depending on this gadget without knowing exactly how thing works. The simple example is map. We are a bit lucky, to still go through time where we need to know how to use map.. (although i don't know/forget the concept of compass.) But now all is using waze or google map in the phone. Just imagine, if all this technology gone, nobody know how to use compass anymore. We have to start from the beginning. Yes Roman is giving it's trailer to me... 
  5. My fifth highlight was when i was in budapest. Do you know that Hungary has a few nobel prize winner but none was received in Hungary. All of them has migrated to different country. Jewish are considered minority group in budapest but they are strong in academic and economy. So due to fear of minority will overtook the country even before the war, there are some rules to reduce the percentage of minority group in university and try to reduce their share in economy. So most of Jewish has to migrate to get better education. It somehow remind me of Malaysia. Also, there is this memorial in Danube where they put shoes as remembrance of those Jews that was shot to Danube. A friend told me, those that was chosen was from rich family where by people will take all their belonging after the shot... So does it all this back to greed?
  6. My final highlight was in Mauthausen. It was a normal concentration camp but the real highlight was the tour. It was done by a local guy who really interested in the history of that camp. Normally during the tour, guide will tell the story what happen at that time but he not only tell us that but ask us to think and put ourself there. The camp was situated near the village.. so does it really people in the village are not aware what happen or they just pretend nothing happen?  He even ask to think if some day, someone knock our door and that is refugee. will we accept her/him? or chase it away? Worst if the law said keeping the refuges was wrong.. will we obey the law or will we risk our life to save them? And like what he said, we have to make decision ... as this not only history but really happen now either we open our eyes or not.. So what is our answer? 
Above all this, i wonder what happen to Malaysia during world war 2? We do has the history but what do I know about it? Do we ever learn lesson from our history?

July 03, 2016

camera ....sssss

Even to write this make me laugh. When i think back, every year since 2014 I have new camera. I used to have lx3 which i love so much.. but eventually it slowly giving in.. i started to hate it... the end is during my TMBT in 2013. I have to cross a river and goes that camera. It still can be use but no more giving a sharp photo. Then I bought canon s100 in 2014 before my US trip. Kind of regret because the camera had battery issue. I should read the forum before i buy it... I didn't really took photo during US trip because every time i took it out, after like 2 mins it will give no battery indicator. When i charge it still full. I send back to the shop, it getting better but will be the same at cold place aka winter. Then 2015.. i bought a gopro before the german trip. It was one of the best investment i guess. It so nice and I have lots of photo of me and the scenery of course. The fish eye give different perspective of landscape :p.  I tot that will be the end of my camera collection.. but wait .. tetiba gatal nk beli slr kan.. hahahaha... it all started masa iceland trip. I cannot get nice aurora photo with my gopro.. kind of dissapointed :(. The the desire is slowly build up. When in KL, while watching movie with cikpah there is slr advertisement. I told her i want to buy slr.. and she laugh (maybe) but she said she don't think i will like it or use it or like to bring it.. (i don't even bring my gopro during lombok trip because 2 of them already brought an action camera.. so what the point kan..) . Arghh .. no approval.. i need to find a reason or someone to sokong me.. and then suddenly i saw there is a short class on digital photography in edinburgh that i think i should join.. but the problem is .. it require u to have slr.. OMG.. i have to buy ..i have to buy...  So here  i'm welcoming the d3300 to my collection right before my next trip. I hope i will use more and will not become tukun. The reason why this kind of funny to me because I'm not a hard core photographer. I took some photo during travel but i love more to just lying around or walking.. Lots of time during my travel with the stooges i will leave them taking photo while me enjoy my time walking around.. hahahaha.. even if i took photo i normally will just keep in the memory card.. it will take ages for me to upload or give to them. If i'm lucky cikpah will help to upload it.. I did some thought about my laziness of taking photo..  I think the reason why i don't like to take photo because mine wasn't come out nice .. it just make me frustrated. So i just like to enjoy my time. If somehow i can capture nice photo i guess I will eager to share it.. So let hope i can improve my photography skill rather my shopping skill .. hahaha. but again i'm a shopaholic.. maybe all just a reason.

June 28, 2016

Menses n ramadhan

Recently viral la plak pasal this lady yg purposely eating in restaurant during ramadhan n kena harassed with other muslim folk. She was doing that on purpose to fight for the right of mense women to eat without any shame.  To be honest ... I'm with her side. The shocked part for me, wasnt that she being harrased but emm almost all my facebook friend which are mostly girls are against her. And the comment on her post doesnt show that those people actually respect ramadhan although doing pong pang pong pang ckp she didn't respect ramadan.

To be honest, for me not eating in restaurant, never really abt respect the ramadhan or people who fasting. People who fasting won't be in cafe anyway so it never really about respecting the people.. The worker maybe fasting but they actually aware they are working in cafe right.. Anyway that not the point... the main thing, ramadan itself is a holy month not only for you not eating and drinking.. it more bigger than that. We hv to banyak2 bersabar. For you to harass people during ramadhan, do you really think that act is to show respect to ramadan?  Beside that i really think all of us are not respecting ramadhan as it should be. We spend lots of money in baju raya la kasut raya la barang2 raya la. If we really respect ramadhan we should control our shopping desired. We also buy and cook lot of dishes which is really a waste. One normal meal should be more than enough.  Tapi ketamakan beli murtabak la, bihun goreng la.. kuih muih.  If we so respect the ramadan, we will not have pasar ramadan mcm cendawan tumbuh or bazar raya. Those are really againts the ramadan's value. So should we blame someone who entitled not to fast, that she not respecting ramadhan by eating in a restaurant while we encourage and even approve the raya sales and shopping? But again, our community always mixed up the priority. Babi is so haram while duit kopi is normal as long we dont kena saman or to expediate any payment. Don't quran say we can eat pork during emergency but there is none in quran said u can accept bribe or taking orphan money. I know lots of people will not agree with me... but before you bash or x puas hati maybe just for a second really think, what really the reason we angry with her.. Before we labelling her, think about ourselves. How much has we respect ramadan this year... Even after you think about it and you still not agree, i think rather than put labelling status what so ever, maybe talk to her and understand her point of view. You will be surprise how 2 different thing can be true in different view.
 I was brought up to be shame of having my mense. Even to buy pad is kind of shame. I remember i use to wrap the pad with paper every time i buy it. It slowly change when i get older, although now i still slightly conscious to buy in front of guys that i know but i don't care if i dont know them.   always dream of a day where i have courage to eat in cafe during ramadhan rather than starve myself. i normally will have headache on my first day of mense during ramadhan. Maybe lack pf water etc. but i just dont have "ball" to do it. If i really cant tahan, i will drive back and buy roti to eat at home or eat in car. Even to eat in cubicle pun rasa segan takut org lalu. I suffered for something  wasn't even a sin to begin with..I just felt shame that people know that i'm having my mense. Is it wrong to have my menses? No.   I know lots of my friend suffer the same thing.. we rela to curi2 makan when people didn't see it rather that having a normal meal. I don't think anyone should be a shame of it.. although to be honest, it so hard to break through. Even now, I'm in UK, i still think should i eat in cafe during my menses? Later what should i tell my colleague? What will people say ... YES that one of the main thing.. we so afraid utk org cakap apa. We so mold to society... even in my mind, the shopping is even worst than eating in public in term of menghormatkan ramadan, nobody give a damn when u shop.....

June 27, 2016


OI saw one post in facebook that someone post a photo of a stretch of shop closing and some even have closing sign. He claimed fhat this what economic suffering look like. To be honest this what sunday look like in uk my dear. Hahahah. Although i browse the comment roughly he did kind of requote in the comment this what the economic suffering will look like not that this place actually suffered economy. First of all i really thing this photo is way too misleading. So tempting nak comment kat facebook tapi nanti viral lak. Nanti aku kena ckp stupid kan. Hahaha let me be stupid in my blog.  Sometimes ppl try to deny the economy suffering with so many ppl shopping, so many ppl buy fareeda etc. Although x deny those maybe shows people are earning good money to be able to afford luxury items but at the same time we have to know how many people can actually save their salary by end of the month? Those ppl might actually in debt with credit card. Is that shows a good economy? For me .. In my stupid kampung view.. A good economy means you can afford necessary items with your minimum wages. Nobody need to steal or need to beg just to eat. Ppl should have some amount of money to save at the end of the month. In uk although some of stuff is expensive like daun curry but overall raw materials is cheap. You can get terung from 49p. Chicken part 1kg for 3pound. 1 quarter chicken yg dh siap marinate is 1.25pound.  5kg of basmathi rice is 5 pound. If your staple food potatos lagi murah la kan. Less than 1 pound boleh dpt bag of potatoes. Of course kalau nk makan tempe it 2pound but who eat tempe everyday :).  In malaysia kalau aku beli 1/4 chicken kat pasar satu part is rm4, then sayur selalu beli stock seminggu dh rm20. 5kg beras  dh lebih rm10 ke rm20. Lupa dh. So seminggu even normal food, the raw material dh lebih 60. So in uk one week is like 14pound and in malaysia is like 50rm. But min wage in malaysia is way lower than uk. When i first come to penang , one laksa was RM1.50 .. and right before i left one bowl of laksa is now RM3.50.  Last time you can get ikan kembong for RM1.50-RM3 per kg.. Now 1kg min is RM6... My salary when i first started working is RM2700 and after more than 14 years the fresh grad salary in my industry is around RM3300-RM3500.., but all the basic stuff has increase almost double. So is really our economy is doing good?
Min wages for malaysia a month : RM1000. So if we work 26 days and 8 hours per day, it will be RM4.70 per hour. In UK, min wages is 6.70 pound. Of course the rent here is more expensive but it comparable dollar to dollar whereby our min wages is not comparable dollar to dollar. Doesn't matter how i look at it, despite so many people are buying fareeda & duckscarves, there will be people are suffering with this kind of cost.