November 03, 2016


For my write that story class, i have to come out with story line almost every week. Then the teacher will read it and everyone will comment about the story line.. Somehow i just noticed that my story always revolve around family and always a sad one.. One story is about sisters rivalry which the younger felt she always in a shadow of her sister.. Some conflict happens and she said nasty thing to her sister. they met with accident and the sister passed away. She regret. Then the other story is about a struggle of family with regress autism kids, wife that is pregnant and husband that has career stagnant.  Then last week i wrote an outline about daughter that is annoyed with Mom that want to save on lots of thing.. somehow being transported to her mom's childhood and start to understand her Mom struggle childhood...back to reality and reconcile with the mom.  All this outline is for different title but somehow it always in the same and sad.. hahahah.. When my teacher reads other's outline... they come out with totally different and unexpected thing.. The teacher said .. most of people see the thing from their own view and character.. I wonder am I really a sad people... emmmm.... Will try to write something funny this weekend... see if I can get away from it,

October 27, 2016

:( :(

I met this family while going to Koh Lipe years ago. Friended with both husband and wife in Facebook. We never actually communicate after that but the husband like to update status in facebook. Normally about business, investment, sufism and small thing in life. His post just like knowledge sharing and normally in humble way. Not the way of  "yeah I know all"..  Last week he shared that he had chest pain after eating pineapple that make him think it was gastric. They went to clinic, the doctor also think the same thing but when they decided to go to hospital, it turn up to be a heart attack. So he advise everyone take his story as lesson. The way he response to people comment shows like everything is OK. Suddenly after a few days i saw his wife got lots of condolence message. It really surprise me that that guys just passed away... To be honest it really shock. I wasn't closed with him but really really shock. Sometimes life is so fragile and you never know when people which are close to you will leave you ... or when you will leave them. Same when you in mid 20's how one by one your friend get married.. there will be a time when one by one your friend is leaving you. It sad to think about it ... but then I wonder how my mum felt about ...

October 17, 2016

Night Class.

Recently i joined 2 night class. How arts work and write that story.. Both are quite different from my normal genre of science.. and I'm the dumbest of all.. hahahaha. But really especially how art works is quite eye opening for me. I've been a pure digital girl .. math & science kind of girl and to be in the class where all is subjective is really hard for me. My first day in class, i really clueless... i don't have idea why did i even join this class.. The teacher look at me and felt so lucky that I didn't join for credit. But the last 2 class was quite interesting to be honest. We look at the painting and most people (except me) will give their opinion about the photo. How the composition might means different thing, how the painter play with colour to bring the depth or some vibration to the painting, the axis that suggest what the painter intent to draw the viewer on certain subject... It also mention about how color evolve from 14th century ... and how people become creative and try their hard to get and produce newer color.. I always thought only technology evolve .. and for art, it just about talents but hey .. i didn't give justice to art.. As much as people try very hard in science, those people try hard as well in arts.. They do lots of advancement to the point what we know today..
When i visited museum, i always wonder WHY WHY must the photo or the sculpture is naked.. WHY WHY must always jesus and virgin mary or some saint with that little bulb on the head .. but little that I know.. for you to appreciate more, it not really about the subject but it about how the artist express his/her feeling towards that subject. I went to national gallery again yesterday.. i see beyond the bible story.. I see how the artist try to make virgin mary important ..  and how people try to portray what they believe in their masterpiece. I still have lots to learn but one thing that I know, there is so many thing in this world that I don't know or i think i know but i just bullshitting myself....
Can't wait for different thing next sem.. I plan to take archeology and philosophy..  Can't wait... some more got field trip for the archeology and nicer when you don't have to sit for exam .. hahahaha..

October 10, 2016

credit... spending... saving

Finally i applied my first working credit card in uk .... In UK, most debit card and credit card has foreign charges besides 2.75% impose by mastercard. This Halifax credit card suppose not to have any charges beside those impose by mastercard... We will see how much cheaper compare using my Malaysia credit card.  Actually the reason I'm writing this as I'm kind of amuse .. emm not sure amuse is the correct word but there is some different in how UK handle the credit card vs Malaysia or maybe India issue their credit card. In Malaysia, there always a promotion on credit card. For you to join or even for you to spend.. Every where in shopping mall there is credit card booth. It so easy to get credit card.  Even the credit limit normally at least double of what your salary is.. There is lots of rebate and free gift when you spend using your credit card. I earned at least near 1k or even more with the rebates, free give in my whole entire credit card usage.You can easily do that installment payment which most company din't impose any charge.   People buy beyond their need and means. I had little chat with my friend from India.. It the same thing over there. Credit card promotion and installment is normal. 
In UK, most of credit card doesn't have that much benefit. The card that i think maybe has better in term of daily spend is sainsburry or tesco card which give you more nectar/clubcard point. Some card do have a good balance transfer offer. For credit card that I apply, the benefit, there is no foreign charge and no annual fees. THAT's IT. No reward or what so ever... In a way, no reason for me to use it unless I want to travel or i want to be in debt with the bank. Even the limits is lesser than my first malaysia credit card .. which is more than 14 years ago..hahahahaha .. really no LV or what so ever. . Not sure does it because my credit check is not having high score yet. . I wonder with all this constraint,  how good or bad the debt level of people here. Anyway things is slightly different in US. I heard from my friend, if you have a good credit score in US, you can apply lots of credit that give you lots of perk.. arghhh... I'm sucker for free gift and I'm not get any here... arghharghh... 
And funny thing, if they want people to save, did I say even the interest on bank is sooo low.  The best for normal people none taxable saving is only 1.1% which some unknown bank. My HSBC only give me 0.7%.  There are some bank is giving 3%-5% but with maximum like only for the first £2000. All the interest is taxable except the ISA account which is 1.1% max.  I check the unit trust .. they don't have similar like malaysia fundsupermart either...All platform, you need to pay more to buy and sell unit trust.  arghhh .. I felt that you cannot spend and you cannot earn either .. arghhh.. This are 2 things that i love.. spend and earn... Is this the different between socialist and capitalist country?

September 12, 2016

semua pun salah

sometimes i felt so pissed off with comment kat Facebook. When the paralympic is getting the medal, some people instead of happy with it, use this opportunity to blame others.. "Ni .. paralympic menang x dpt apa2 ke".. "ehh kenapa 5k je... diorang dpt gold kot.. discrimination".. "kenapa media x byk coverage.. dh meaning 3-4 jam baru kuar kat news". "Ni mana rumah.. xde org nk kasik ke..". .. complaint complaint complaint... Masalahnya.. kalau la dia mmg memperjuangkan right x pe la.. ni saja nk cari benda nk blame. Lain kali belum complaint amik la cermin.. Do we even know their name macam kita tau normal athlete? Ada kita sibuk nk subscribe channel sport nk tgk paralympic.. media tu ikut demand.. dah kita pun amik x lalu je pasal paralympic, diorang pun cover skit je la.. tapi bagus la. this year org OKU ada highlight... hopefully after this treatment kat org oku better..

September 04, 2016

war war war .. again??

There are too much thing to write about this topic until a point I don't know what to write.. hahaha.. But i guess before i lost in my own busy world, it better to jot down something as reminder to the older me.  Recently I went to eastern europe travel.. It kind of eye opening to me. There are a few highlights. So maybe it will be easier to make it in bullet form as it all not related but just a pieces here and there...
  1. Before my travel, a friend give me a book .. Man's Search For Meaning. It was a real experience of a psychiatrist (Dr Frank) in concentration camp, not as psychiatrist but as the prisoner itself. He wrote what happen there, what he felt, what keep he going, how life there change him & people surround him.. how evil manifest itself in camp guard which mostly from the same race with the prisoner and how kindness can be found even in SS or commander (which from German). It really eye opening.. I do have to google something like the "shower head" as it seems to be so obvious to him but not to me.. (imagine how katak tempering am I). To be honest i really cannot imagine if I were in Dr Frank's shoe or even born in during that time.. Either as a prisoner or as the other side of the group.  Not sure what will I do.. Do i have the will to survive.. Do I have the will to fight the evil or will I just tell myself lies that things is OK? It seems obvious when we just seeing it from outside but i wonder if it the same if we are inside. There is another story... Nightingale. it is a fiction but happen during world war 2 in France. How life that is normal turn to a different twist during that war period. I can relate myself more to the older sister which just want thing to be normal..who afraid of everything .. who don't want to challenge the authority.. At this moment, it was so easy for us to condemn the holocaust and to condemn what hitler did was wrong but if we where there at that time, will I still see the same thing or can I able to even see it? It still a question that linger in my head. I really don't know myself.. Most of time i tell myself.. death is for sure, i cannot run form that .. but the thought of dying actually scared me. Sigh..
  2. My second highlight was the trip to Bosnia.. Bosnia just like malaysia.. 3 different major race with 3 different religion. It just need a trigger ..greed and the war happen. From what the guide told us the serb started to attack the bosnia & croat village. Initially bosnia & croat join venture to fight the serb but half way croat is turning his back and attacking the bosnia as well. At the end these 3 races are fighting each other. As I heard this story from a Bosniak of course it kind of sided to Bosniak but as what the guide tell us which i agree, every side has their own story.. has their own pain.. has their own lost. The guy that being killed is someone's son/daughter, someone's father/mother. How things before the war are never the same again.. It will take time to heal. Will it ever heal?
  3. My third highlight was still in Bosnia. I met another Bosniak lady that tell the story of the war from her view. She was young at that time.. During the war, she was sent to Germany to seek for asylum. When the war ended, she was so eager to go back to Bosnia..But it never the same as what she remember.. People changed. There are some story that i heard which said that most of Muslim Bosnia before war are not practicing and after the war, they realise their mistake and become more religious. After the war,  Islamic party - Party of Democratic Action become one of the big party that control Bosnia. What this lady told me, people become more hypocrite.. Before the war people use to practise the religion because they want to practice and believe in it.. but after the war, people goes to mosque to get the politic connection. The tension between different race is even greater.. Religion become a way of achieving worldly thing..Yes.. war changed people.. or war just show the worst of human?
  4. My forth highlight was when i was in Split. It's amazing they still have building from Roman and how you can see different way between Roman, middle ages, communism. It really a wonder how a great civilisation like Roman can go through the dark ages which you can really see the different. We always think, people will always better than before but history tell us it can be otherwise. A friend told me that we are in the era of going to dark ages. Nowadays people are depending on gadget.... little by little we are depending on this gadget without knowing exactly how thing works. The simple example is map. We are a bit lucky, to still go through time where we need to know how to use map.. (although i don't know/forget the concept of compass.) But now all is using waze or google map in the phone. Just imagine, if all this technology gone, nobody know how to use compass anymore. We have to start from the beginning. Yes Roman is giving it's trailer to me... 
  5. My fifth highlight was when i was in budapest. Do you know that Hungary has a few nobel prize winner but none was received in Hungary. All of them has migrated to different country. Jewish are considered minority group in budapest but they are strong in academic and economy. So due to fear of minority will overtook the country even before the war, there are some rules to reduce the percentage of minority group in university and try to reduce their share in economy. So most of Jewish has to migrate to get better education. It somehow remind me of Malaysia. Also, there is this memorial in Danube where they put shoes as remembrance of those Jews that was shot to Danube. A friend told me, those that was chosen was from rich family where by people will take all their belonging after the shot... So does it all this back to greed?
  6. My final highlight was in Mauthausen. It was a normal concentration camp but the real highlight was the tour. It was done by a local guy who really interested in the history of that camp. Normally during the tour, guide will tell the story what happen at that time but he not only tell us that but ask us to think and put ourself there. The camp was situated near the village.. so does it really people in the village are not aware what happen or they just pretend nothing happen?  He even ask to think if some day, someone knock our door and that is refugee. will we accept her/him? or chase it away? Worst if the law said keeping the refuges was wrong.. will we obey the law or will we risk our life to save them? And like what he said, we have to make decision ... as this not only history but really happen now either we open our eyes or not.. So what is our answer? 
Above all this, i wonder what happen to Malaysia during world war 2? We do has the history but what do I know about it? Do we ever learn lesson from our history?

July 03, 2016

camera ....sssss

Even to write this make me laugh. When i think back, every year since 2014 I have new camera. I used to have lx3 which i love so much.. but eventually it slowly giving in.. i started to hate it... the end is during my TMBT in 2013. I have to cross a river and goes that camera. It still can be use but no more giving a sharp photo. Then I bought canon s100 in 2014 before my US trip. Kind of regret because the camera had battery issue. I should read the forum before i buy it... I didn't really took photo during US trip because every time i took it out, after like 2 mins it will give no battery indicator. When i charge it still full. I send back to the shop, it getting better but will be the same at cold place aka winter. Then 2015.. i bought a gopro before the german trip. It was one of the best investment i guess. It so nice and I have lots of photo of me and the scenery of course. The fish eye give different perspective of landscape :p.  I tot that will be the end of my camera collection.. but wait .. tetiba gatal nk beli slr kan.. hahahaha... it all started masa iceland trip. I cannot get nice aurora photo with my gopro.. kind of dissapointed :(. The the desire is slowly build up. When in KL, while watching movie with cikpah there is slr advertisement. I told her i want to buy slr.. and she laugh (maybe) but she said she don't think i will like it or use it or like to bring it.. (i don't even bring my gopro during lombok trip because 2 of them already brought an action camera.. so what the point kan..) . Arghh .. no approval.. i need to find a reason or someone to sokong me.. and then suddenly i saw there is a short class on digital photography in edinburgh that i think i should join.. but the problem is .. it require u to have slr.. OMG.. i have to buy ..i have to buy...  So here  i'm welcoming the d3300 to my collection right before my next trip. I hope i will use more and will not become tukun. The reason why this kind of funny to me because I'm not a hard core photographer. I took some photo during travel but i love more to just lying around or walking.. Lots of time during my travel with the stooges i will leave them taking photo while me enjoy my time walking around.. hahahaha.. even if i took photo i normally will just keep in the memory card.. it will take ages for me to upload or give to them. If i'm lucky cikpah will help to upload it.. I did some thought about my laziness of taking photo..  I think the reason why i don't like to take photo because mine wasn't come out nice .. it just make me frustrated. So i just like to enjoy my time. If somehow i can capture nice photo i guess I will eager to share it.. So let hope i can improve my photography skill rather my shopping skill .. hahaha. but again i'm a shopaholic.. maybe all just a reason.