Bersih .. Sehati sejiwa

If i'm the Bersih organizer, i will propose to change bersih 4.0 to bersih sehati sejiwa. Not only it fit the merdeka theme this year, it also show how we want to be sehati sejiwa fighting for a better life in malaysia. I wonder if it change name, will merdeka theme still be sehati sejiwa. Sometimes in order to hv bigger win, you hv to let ppl get win something right? 

I show u if u show urs

The current politic in malaysia is so depressing. Reading the current news and feel so geram. It funny that bn said they will show their financial statement if pr show their. Not only that is a chilidish statement. The fact that they have that 2.6bil donation to umno but deposit to najib acc rather then umno acc make "i show my acc if u show acc" a merely opera show. Do they able to show not only umno/bn acc but the entire member acc as well. We never know if there another donation park at other ppl's acc. Even sd to declare mp's wealth also they can't do it and now another promise? Sick sick sick and it suck having a feeling we dont hv hope anymore!!!!!

Merapu lagi

Was reading this book abt a girl twin.  How her sister seems to be more of everything.. More beautiful, more grace, more socialable, doesnt cry a lot during baby etc etc. Even the guy that she secretly like fall in love with the sister and want to marry her sister. Sometimes i wonder if i can go through life of being compare to someone much better then me in my entire life. People always say, everyone has they own beauty and special in their own way but I think only some really mean it. Most of the time people will put some reference to what they think we should become. People admire beauty.

Religion as a way out?

When my niece was 2-3 yo, she love to conteng the wall. So when her mom( my sister) caught her, she will put the innocent face and said mickey mouse mak mickey mouse. It melted my sister 's heart and of course x jadi marah. She get away with that innnocent cute face.  There lots of way to get away from something you do. For girl, crying seems to be the best way. Hahahah. Anyway , noticed that our beloved leader start to use islam in most of his speech. Seems they found the magic word to escape from everything. At this time, i wish i can draw a cartoon. 

Endless

Went to a good friend wedding in sabah last weekend. A very nice wedding and the couple look very happy looking at each other's. During all the free style photo session, you can really see their happiness. I hope n i pray may Allah bless this wedding and may both of them have a nice and happy journey together. 

I took a day of just to unwind myself. Went to a beach.. A very nice view but somehow looking at the endless sea give me that deep lonely and scary feeling..

Stop stop

I woke up at 6.30 and decide to start my day early but i start browse facebook and decide to put a hard stop at 7. But then i start browsing ig plak. Iskhh and when i search for vivy yusof, i just knew i going to waste another time. But it still continue. And then faizdickie plak. Arghh. Why i have so less self control. By the time i finish, it 7.38. Hour has been wasted. What i get? Just another shopping crave .. Cantik la skirt tu.  :( 

Late?

A colleague told me abt his friend that passed away last year. He asked to google her name and i come cross this blog. Somehow reading this portion of blog struck me. I felt the similarity. Me too, most of the time the reason for what i do is feeling responsibility rather than enjoy it. I dont want to end like her to start when her body didnt allow her to continue any further. I spend my day last night wandering nothing. I feel even worst after that. Arghhh... I wonder if i dont have any rules n flow what i will do? Will i just staring at the blank screen? Or will i enjoy my life to the fullest. It something i so want to figure out. But will i have courage to do it?  I spend 6 months after my spm literally doing nothing which i dont remember as the best time of my life either. So will i become like last time? Have i grow to be something better so this time it wont be the same?

Hajj ... the journey

I never been to mecca. So haven't done the umrah or the hajj. To be honest, i dont have strong urge to do it yet. Hajj is the last pillar of islam. By complete it means i have completed checklist all 5 pillar of islam but yet i still struggle with the other pillar. Zakat is the easiest one. Maybe i still feel it more ritual then spiritual. The hardest is solat and fasting. Actually solat is hardest. Fasting as it is not eating n drinking is ok. But to fast from other form of lust n sin is hardest. I like gossip very much. I struggle to hate it. The hatred, the anger all is so hard to throw it away. For solat there are so much struggle that i hv. Struggle to be aware what i recite every solat, struggle to pray at the early time, struggle to enjoy the solat as it is a gift rather than obligation. Sigh. So having all this struggle, to be honest i feel  scared of doing hajj. I told my friend i scared to see the dark side of people but to think abt it, i sacred of the struggle and  i know i'm not ready. Even in a place where i can do my prayer anytime n how many time i want but my heart are sway to other thing :(. Hajj is a journey and really hope i can embark a real spritual journey with it not just ritual. Not something that i do and didnt get any impact after that.  I want a journey that i appreciate and can change me to a better person. That will be the strong enclose to my islam pillar. 

Wah. Actually i want to write abt something else. Hahaha. As we in 1mdb mode, so i want to pen down my disagreement of the concept of using 1mdb money to fund imam or bilal or pkk for hajj. Shouldn't hajj is individual struggle? I know a nasi lemak seller in my kg who sell nasi lemak n save the money n use it that money for hajj. Wouldnt that is sweeter journey n sacrifice?  1mdb is tax payor money n ppl are not happy of how it being use. I dont know if the money is consider halal or not and we using it for the pillar of islam. If we build a house with a weak n vague pillar, it so easy to wipe off by tsunami. 

Is this a real life... Is this fantacy

Reading news on jakim stand for 1mdb. Funny.. It just remind me one of sign of last hour

“Religious knowledge would disappear”, since the rightly-guided scholars of Islam are demonized, marginalized, “banned”, or declared to be “great security risks”. Only those scholars who can skillfully skip and dance to the tunes of those who control power are allowed the unfettered freedom to preach a sanitized cosmetic version of Islam acceptable to the godless rulers of the world. Institutions of Islamic learning are forced to submit to the control of those waging war on Islam. If they do not submit, they are shut down. Foreign students are prohibited from studying Islam in certain so-called Islamic Republics