Late?

A colleague told me abt his friend that passed away last year. He asked to google her name and i come cross this blog. Somehow reading this portion of blog struck me. I felt the similarity. Me too, most of the time the reason for what i do is feeling responsibility rather than enjoy it. I dont want to end like her to start when her body didnt allow her to continue any further. I spend my day last night wandering nothing. I feel even worst after that. Arghhh... I wonder if i dont have any rules n flow what i will do? Will i just staring at the blank screen? Or will i enjoy my life to the fullest. It something i so want to figure out. But will i have courage to do it?  I spend 6 months after my spm literally doing nothing which i dont remember as the best time of my life either. So will i become like last time? Have i grow to be something better so this time it wont be the same?