saving ...

My friend was asking me how much percentage of my salary I save for my rainy day aka hari tua.. sebenarnya soalan susah tu... I spend what I want and I save what I want.. Now in UK even more confused. because I used my malaysia saving to pay for my house loan payment as UK conversion rate dropped compare to when I decided to accept the job. So I'm hoping for the currency to be OK before tampal balik my saving ...  But the thing is, one of the reason I decided to go abroad is to travel.. So I kind of try not to control my travel spending so much. Besides, to get some benefits like free movie ticket, cashback la etc, I open a few current account. These account required some  minimum bank in every month. As they don't really care if the money stay, so what I do is I setup standing order that move my money from one account to another.. hahaha .. mcm black money je kan. That how kiasu I am to get  free stuff. I also fan of credit card as I think we wasting points not using credit card.. (konon la kan but seriously that what I firmly believe). So I don't really know how much % that I save..or I even save? .. hahaha.. So when she asked that question, my answer is "aku xde hard rules... ada kesedaran sendiri bila shopping banyak". Jawapan yg sgt confident and I'm pretty sure my friend feel wow.. bagus nya. (perasan kan).
But ... tiba2 ... that night, somehow while surfing abt Copenhagen,  I don't know why, but suddenly I open a camera review website.. and tiba2 .. I was on prayer mat beside my bed, sit long enough thinking should I or should I not..  I know I have been spending quite a lots last 2 months as I have been travelling and book some flights/hotel for my summer travel... but If I didn't buy now, I might missed the 5 years warranty offer.. Uhhh so tempting...
Tiba2 I took my credit card and tiba2 i get the confirmation letter... and I will be welcoming another tukun in my collection as summer preparation.....  Banyak la ko punya kesedaran sendiri...
Today I look at my credits card bill. Gosh.. baru la tersedar... Takpe .. my own justificaton .. one year anniversary gift I'm in Edinburgh.. apa2 pun boleh kan... Hope it worth it ...

azam ditengah tahun

i woke up and decided to do one thing ... --> to msg my old good friend that I have not been really contact them is the past for what ever reason and reconnect with them. Maybe i'm scared that we are not the same .. we don't have anything to talk .. but based on the fact we use to talk a lot last time.. I'm pretty sure it won't go wrong.. Some people are bless.. their life is always giving people hope and lights.. like my friend - Ah, even her death give me lesson..  I don't want to feel another regret...

Rambling about life .. again!!!

Every year there is unexpected death that I heard.. My housemate when i was in UTM just passed away yesterday after delivered a baby girl.. It kind of shocked and I do felt sad.. My mind just keep rewinding my memory with her especially when we stay outside campus.. She with her scooter and her habit to play with her hair.  She really a good and soft spoken with a lots humour traits. We used to be good friend... Sue, Ah, Intan and me. It really unexpected but again death is for sure. I look back at my last personal WhatsApp message. It just about unit trust. I don't even ask about her life any more. I guess over time, your path with your old friend branch. I justified by not having common topic to talk but I think the real reason I just don't care about their life anymore. When I look back, i cut so many people from my life... there is someone that I will always put her as my bestfriend's name during my childhood in some of my password reminder but I don't even remember when was the last time we spoke freely on the phone. I have so many justification for the friendship that I cut or I lowered the standard to hi/bye kind of relationship.. but yet the justification just to make me feel less guilty of being selfish... Sigh.. Am I really a lone ranger? .. a loner ? Is relationship really burden me?
In a different note, last night when I was watching cinema, my mum WhatsApp me.. Just normal message to take care myself and tell me her doa will always with me.. I cried... I saw how my mum progress from the strongest pontianak in Johor to an old lady.. For me, my knee start making sound and i start to have to have pain when taking stairs and even to pray. I wonder does the time will come too soon when I can't even pray without chair :(.  This sometimes make we wonder... will I regret staying abroad .. not staying near my mum or I will regret does not take opportunity to explore life when time is permitted for me.. .. maybe it PMS mode..