Every year there is unexpected death that I heard.. My housemate when i was in UTM just passed away yesterday after delivered a baby girl.. It kind of shocked and I do felt sad.. My mind just keep rewinding my memory with her especially when we stay outside campus.. She with her scooter and her habit to play with her hair. She really a good and soft spoken with a lots humour traits. We used to be good friend... Sue, Ah, Intan and me. It really unexpected but again death is for sure. I look back at my last personal WhatsApp message. It just about unit trust. I don't even ask about her life any more. I guess over time, your path with your old friend branch. I justified by not having common topic to talk but I think the real reason I just don't care about their life anymore. When I look back, i cut so many people from my life... there is someone that I will always put her as my bestfriend's name during my childhood in some of my password reminder but I don't even remember when was the last time we spoke freely on the phone. I have so many justification for the friendship that I cut or I lowered the standard to hi/bye kind of relationship.. but yet the justification just to make me feel less guilty of being selfish... Sigh.. Am I really a lone ranger? .. a loner ? Is relationship really burden me?
In a different note, last night when I was watching cinema, my mum WhatsApp me.. Just normal message to take care myself and tell me her doa will always with me.. I cried... I saw how my mum progress from the strongest pontianak in Johor to an old lady.. For me, my knee start making sound and i start to have to have pain when taking stairs and even to pray. I wonder does the time will come too soon when I can't even pray without chair :(. This sometimes make we wonder... will I regret staying abroad .. not staying near my mum or I will regret does not take opportunity to explore life when time is permitted for me.. .. maybe it PMS mode..
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