Happy new year

While I'm writing this post ..is 11.30pm 31 Dec 2008. Another 30mins I'll be one year older .. ergghh .. I'm 29.. near to 30.. I don't know until when I'll be doing the exact same thing I've been doing for the past 3 years .. I starting to feel bored with my life .. x tau le if ini adalah sindrom menghampiri 30? Semalam aku borak2 ngn kawan aku. One of the topic yg diborakkan pasal what want to do in our life. Dia cakap .. people that very rich and very poor lebih beruntung. For very rich .. they have the money to do anything they want to do .. for people that very poor they do not have much to lose to do what they want to do. But for middle class ppl like us .. we stuck. We comfortable with our life .. but we not dare to chase our dream because takut dikejar tak dapat .. dikendong keciciran . Bile pikir2 .. btul apa dia cakap .. but bila dipikir lagi .. what I want to do in my life? aku pun tak tau .. Besides my work .. my family and small circle of friend.. i got nothing else. tapi apa yg aku tau .. i envy those people yg ada peluang travel .. emm adakah aku patut jadik pramugari ... kekekekehh .. terpaksa la buat series awan fatimah plak.

gerammmm

hari ni aku spend nearly a night pasal windows. Apsal windows senang sgt nak kena virus ar ... uhhuhu :(

Korban

sebenarnya aku terpikir benda ni smlm .. tapi mls btul nak berblogging. Ni berkaitan le ngn ibadat korban kita yg asal usulnya hari nabi ibrahim nyaris2 nak sembelih anak dia. So a few years back, my friedn ask me if i read salman rushdie book. Sememangnya jawaban adalah tidak .. the only book that i have momentum nak baca adalah buku shopaholic :p. So my friend mase tu kinda of bertanya if God ask us to sacrifice our son today, will we do it .. so dlm hati aku pun berpikir2 .. lama tu pikir sampai bape tahun ni... all of this wilingness .. is faith. faith that God knows than us .. faith than God always want the best for us and faith that we belong to Him. Nak cakap memang senangkan .. just "faith" tapi bila pikir2 .. i dont think i have that faith yet. Cennggg .. kita falsh back ke zaman dulu dulu when i was abt to graduate. Masa tu aku dapat offer jadi lecturer but I know I dont want to be lecturer. Dlm masa yg sama .. i really scared if i didnt take it .. i akan menganggur .. sebab dlm masa yg sama i had a hard time even to get internship..I was rejected for all my internship application. I was having this confuse confuse state until a state of depress.. So I was talking to my friend and she suggest me to solat istiharah .. but i still remember what aku cakap ngn member aku tu .. I said .. logically i should take the lecturing .. kat johor dekat ngn parents .. pastu sure2 dapat keje dah xyah menanam anggur... then is good job sebab tolong org n menyebarkan ilmu ..and i told her .. i scared if I do solat istiharah .. God will show me to take the lecturing while aku i don't think i like it... i remember i say it sambil menangis2 ..
to think abt it ... if that time I have faith to Him, I wont think that way .. because he always know the best for me .. tapi case aku ni kire ok le .. mcm 50-50 decision.. tapi bayangkan if u about to marry a handsome, charming, rich, educated, soleh , understanding guy .... dgn erti kata lain perfect la .. pastu buat solat istiharah ... and you get the guide that u should not marry him.. sure lagi confuse kan... i mean our logical brain said is GO.. but faith said NOGO.
pastu aku teringat le satu cete dlm quran (rasenye le dlm quran)... pasal nabi musa. So Allah cakap ngn nabi musa .. ada seorang yg amat bijak .. so nabi musa pun jumpa la org tu. SO dia cakap ngn org tu nak blaja dari dia la .. so Nabi musa pun follow la org tu.. Org tu cakap ok .. tapi x leh question apa yg dia buat. Kalau tanya lebih dari 3 kali dah tak leh ikut. So nabi musa cakap .. ok. So dlm journey dia, org ni buat a few stuff yg nabi musa rasa pelik sebab x mungkin org baik akan buat cam tu.. tapi aku x ingat sangat sequence n detailnya. Kalau x silap org tu bocorkan sampan org miskin .. pasu nabi musa rasa pelik la .. n bertanya la .. apsal ko buat cam tu .. tapi org tu cakap jgn tanya ... then diorang jalan lagi tiba2 .. org tu bunuh sorang budak .. pastu nabi musa tanya lagi .. pastu org tu cakap jgn tanya.. then pastu org tu robohkan rumah org .. pastu nabi musa tanya lagi apsal .. so org tu cakap la .. kerana ko tanya gak .. so lepas ni x leh ikut dah... but he explain le one by one why he did that... pasal sampan tu .. sebab kat seberang sungai ada org kaya yg jahat .. so kalau dia nampak sampan tu elok .. dia akan rampas.. so by bocorkan sampan tu .. org jahat tu x kan amik sampan org miskin... pastu lagi 2 benda tu aku pun lupa pasal apa :p.. korang cari le ..tapi kesimpulan yg aku nak cakap ialah .. aku rasa cete dlm quran ni .. actually indirectly telling us that although thing might be so clear to us .. but we only human .. so maybe there is some thing we can't understand .. so must have faith on people that know it better .. and know it all .. so indirectly saying .. must have faith on Him.

sin on praying mat

semalam i work late .. so nak solat maghrib kat opis. Masa aku masuk kat surau .. ada le sorang budak ni tgh dok cakap kat tepon on praying mat. maybe dia tgh tunggu maghrib la. dari aku masuk sampai la aku keluar .. she continue bitching abt her hsemate ... semua benda la kuar.. hahahah ... aku pun nak tak nak terpaksa la pasang telinga kan .. dah dia cakap agak kuat .. ye la org tgh meluahkan perasan .. aku paham perasan tu :p. Anyway .. what she said abt her hsemate more a less lebih kurang sama la with mine .. just i think mine .. is more nampak innocent .. pretend she innocent which sometimes I'm confuse untill my mum a.k.a detective conan ( gelaran yg adik aku kasik kat mak) yg membongkar segala misteri .. Do lots of people have problem with their hsemate? ... i went to my friend engagement last saturday .. she also told me almost similar case with her ex-hsemate. They halau her out sebab dah x tahan .. anyway ... this not my point ... my point is sometimes when we actually live with those bad people ... sometimes without we realizing we became one ... hahahaha .. the simple example is us. Me and my other hsemate. Kadang2 .. kitorang saja je masak and x pelawa dia makan ada unsur yg nak buat dia terliur ngn apa yg kitorang masak. .. and we talk to each other not involve her. My other hsemate pernah raise the question... rasa2 nya berdosa x kita buat dia macam ni... so aku cakap le .. secara theory mesti la berdosa.. tapi its theory.. aku x leh buat .. its hard to follow the theory unless we ask her to go out from the hse. We do all the stuff yg dia buat kat kitoarng .. sebab kitorang nak dia rasa cam mana. tapi dia cam x paham2 .. pelik. x kisah what our intention is .. or who start first.. in other word .. we already became like her. One of the thing yg budak pompuan yg aku jumpa kat surau tu ada cakap .." aku dah tak kira .. aku nak jadik setan dah".
I remember what my friend told me last time abt bad relationship between husband and wife. If a wife or husband find out that his partner is having an affair .. and if he/she didnt come out from the relationship ... he/she might end up doing the same thing as his partner. I think it might be true