chase your dream

hari ni lepak ngn member kat jemputree. We talking2 .. and tetiba termasuk cete masa zaman sekolah. One of my friend yg gi US, dia cete la that she was lucky being chosen as her english wasnt that good back then. Tiba2 teringat zaman sekolah. Ppl who know me since sekolah sure ingat yg my english was very very bad. I can't speak english for conversation at all. ( ye la ni pun x le english berabuk but at least somebody can understand what i try to say in office). After trial, there are a lots of big2 company yg datang to my school cari candidate utk scholarship. As my trial result was ok so my name was on the interview list. Masa tu ada proton, esso, pnb, sime darby, telekom .. and many more. i attend those interview but as expected i didnt impress them at all. Ye la dah la senyap.. x pandai cakap lak. Really feel down masa tu. My "down" peak was when i got interview for petronas. Masa tu after SPM so the interview was held in Johor. Ada 5 org kot in each session n mix with other ppl. Apa lagi .. memang x bercakap la. I just ternganga tgk org cakap. I can't even think what to say. I really cry after that and rasa memang xde harapan nak blaja oversea. Anyway after SPM result keluar, I got a letter from Mara. They just introduce SPC and they selecting ppl utk program tu so they ask me to go for briefing. Masa tu aku dah dapat offer UTM. Deep down in my heart I want to further my study kat oversea tapi dek kerana pengalaman silam interview, i didnt go to the briefing. There are time that i'm asking .. what IF i go for the briefing but I always make excuses that UTM might be the best choice for me and masa tu dah bayar yuran UTM la .. Tiba2 hari ni it struck me that my BIG regret is for NOT trying to chase my dream. I got the opportunity but i back off before I even know the result sebab takut kan failure. It is no harm if I attend the briefing. I may not get in ( maybe the only girl yg x dapat) but at least I have try. I might still go to UTM but at least I went to UTM after i went through the SPC path.. but what I did i make a u turn.. :(. Looking back, I was like that all the time. Am I too vulnerable that I'm afraid of failure. What if i fail for the first, second, third or even zillionth time.. Am my pride is too high that it hurt to get a failure. I hope I can change and I really glad that I found my BIG regret today as I can't find any excuses of this regret... So I should not do it again as I know there is no excuses....