August 30, 2010
a regret event..
tadi gi giant nak beli some groceriess. masa nak balik kat kete tetiba ada ah so ni dtg dekat ngn kete. she say something which wasnt really clear but i think i can guess what she want. but instead of giving what i think she want, i say " ha?" ... and now she has to come near me.. and say "saya x cukup duit.. boleh mintak 3 ringgit". and i hate what i did at that moment.. without a smile face... but with a face yg tergesa2, i open my handbag n grab 3 ringgit n pass to her. quickly i masuk kete and lock my door. And only then my sense come to work. For a person to put down their pride n asked for a money.. it already hard enough.. why i make it harder for them? what harm an auntie can do to me.. worst come to worst she just grabbed my handbag n i think i still can win the fight. i think it will brighten her more if at least i smile sincerely .. and she even wish me selamat hari raya... i hate my self.. sometimes my sceptical are too extreme that i dont care people feeling... i wish i should have less prasangka buruk :(..
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but sumtimes its not about our scepticality, its about how fast our brain works..
imah.. tu sumer tindakan refleks la.. ko bukan boleh control pon.. aku tau hati ko mcm maner =)
aku rasa sebab negative thinking la tindakan refelks jadi cam gitu. kena banyak2kan trust kat org kot..
Pada aku, cukup baik dah ko bagi dia RM3 sepantas kilat walaupun ko tergesa masuk kete dan kunci kete. Dalam keadaan skarang yg aku rasa crime rate mencanak2 naik, sometimes we have to do this kinda thing for self-preservation. It's not as if ko marah dia ke or menyindir dia masa ko bagi duit.
Anyway, tahun lepas aku kene marah dgn sorang makcik depan sogo sebab aku tanak kasi dia duit utk rumah anak yatim yg dia claim dia jaga. aku pun macam ko jugak imah. aku ragu2 dgn authencity makcik tu. In other words, skeptical la jugak. Makcik tu ada kasi pamphlet. but it was barely readable (stok-stok photostat bende yg dah photostat banyak kali). Tapi kat blakang brochure tu dia ada kasi alamat utk hantar cheque kalau nak donate and cheque tu atas nama rumah anak yatim tu. Aku sebenarnye prefer nak buat gitu, walaupun lebih banyak keje. Memula makcik tu cakap kat aku baik, lembut-lembut. Bila aku cakap aku taknak bagi duit skarang, nanti aku hantar kat alamat brochure tu, stret makcik tu bertukar character dan marah2 aku. Last last aku bagi rm2, dan dia sambar je dari tangan aku and blah. Gila babi ok?
dan maka itu, seharian lah aku memaki hamun pada hari tu. hahahaha. aku tak halalkan kalau duit tu betul2 tak digunakan utk menguruskan anak2 yatim seperti yg dia claim.
eh eh panjang pulak aku tulis. ape bondo point aku sebenarnye menceritakan hal ini kat ko? hahaha
Give yourself a break :). You're missing an important point. That it bothered you!
We as human beings will always make mistakes. But what's important is that we realise when we're making a mistake and that we think about it.
I think you are growing :) And remember it's not a race, it's not a destination but it is a journey.
And you are right you know. Everyone has a dignity, and there's never a reason to be unkind :)
There's always next time :). I'm proud of you
Give yourself a break :). You're missing an important point. That it bothered you!
We as human beings will always make mistakes. But what's important is that we realise when we're making a mistake and that we think about it.
I think you are growing :) And remember it's not a race, it's not a destination but it is a journey.
And you are right you know. Everyone has a dignity, and there's never a reason to be unkind :)
There's always next time :). I'm proud of you
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