Hajj ... the journey

I never been to mecca. So haven't done the umrah or the hajj. To be honest, i dont have strong urge to do it yet. Hajj is the last pillar of islam. By complete it means i have completed checklist all 5 pillar of islam but yet i still struggle with the other pillar. Zakat is the easiest one. Maybe i still feel it more ritual then spiritual. The hardest is solat and fasting. Actually solat is hardest. Fasting as it is not eating n drinking is ok. But to fast from other form of lust n sin is hardest. I like gossip very much. I struggle to hate it. The hatred, the anger all is so hard to throw it away. For solat there are so much struggle that i hv. Struggle to be aware what i recite every solat, struggle to pray at the early time, struggle to enjoy the solat as it is a gift rather than obligation. Sigh. So having all this struggle, to be honest i feel  scared of doing hajj. I told my friend i scared to see the dark side of people but to think abt it, i sacred of the struggle and  i know i'm not ready. Even in a place where i can do my prayer anytime n how many time i want but my heart are sway to other thing :(. Hajj is a journey and really hope i can embark a real spritual journey with it not just ritual. Not something that i do and didnt get any impact after that.  I want a journey that i appreciate and can change me to a better person. That will be the strong enclose to my islam pillar. 

Wah. Actually i want to write abt something else. Hahaha. As we in 1mdb mode, so i want to pen down my disagreement of the concept of using 1mdb money to fund imam or bilal or pkk for hajj. Shouldn't hajj is individual struggle? I know a nasi lemak seller in my kg who sell nasi lemak n save the money n use it that money for hajj. Wouldnt that is sweeter journey n sacrifice?  1mdb is tax payor money n ppl are not happy of how it being use. I dont know if the money is consider halal or not and we using it for the pillar of islam. If we build a house with a weak n vague pillar, it so easy to wipe off by tsunami. 

Is this a real life... Is this fantacy

Reading news on jakim stand for 1mdb. Funny.. It just remind me one of sign of last hour

“Religious knowledge would disappear”, since the rightly-guided scholars of Islam are demonized, marginalized, “banned”, or declared to be “great security risks”. Only those scholars who can skillfully skip and dance to the tunes of those who control power are allowed the unfettered freedom to preach a sanitized cosmetic version of Islam acceptable to the godless rulers of the world. Institutions of Islamic learning are forced to submit to the control of those waging war on Islam. If they do not submit, they are shut down. Foreign students are prohibited from studying Islam in certain so-called Islamic Republics

Bila Waktu Telah Berakhir

There is this new thing - apple music where u can listen to all song in itunes with some monthly subscription and for now, they give 3 month free trial. You can actually download those song and listen offline instead of streaming it. Not sure what happen to song u download offline if you decide to terminate the subscription. So i registered my self and it quite cool actually.. Just click2 and download without feeling guilty of download pirated song and the quality is good. Anyway, one of the artist that i download is Opick.

I was driving back when suddenly this song played on my phone.. I literally cry and feel really sad. Not sure am I just emotional but I just felt life is so short and time will end soon yet my journey to find my self and my creator is still at the starting line. Maybe too many sudden death recently on very young ppl, my friend's colleague, my bro in law's cousin, my friend's husband. It can be me and it can be you.... Maybe today.. or maybe tomorrow.. what we have achieve?



 

Do you even care?

By Time. Indeed man is in loss, except those who have faith and do righteous deeds, and enjoin one another to [follow] the truth, and enjoin one another to patience.

Islam is a community religion whereby not only we have to do good but we also have to encourage others to do good as well.. This somehow being used by many to justified hollier-than-thou attitude. This recent Farah Ann case is one of the example. Rather that focusing on her gold, some ppl use a bad word and condemn abt her clothes rather. The funny thing is, if she didn't win anything, nobody will care although it's a common knowledge what a women gymnas's look like. So i wonder, does ppl comment to encourage ppl do good because they care.. or they just jealous someone doing something or rather achieving something with their life? Even to compare hereafter achievement, for someone to utter bad thing abt others openly till it can embarrassed the other person , it shows u don't have a good heart, so i don't understand why those ppl think they are better than others.. sigh

Life is so fragile

Death of a few hikers kat kinabalu mount really shocked me... I still remember, when we decided to hike kinabalu, never did we thought death will one of the risk. The most is lack of oxigen which may bring to death but we dont heard any cases yet. It's an easy path where your determination most matter. And i'm pretty sure, all those hiker hv similar thought like me. Almost none might think, kinabalu mount will be their deathbed. :( .  When their parents, family, and friends send them to airport i dont think they know that will be their last time to see each other. Life is so unpredicted. 

On other occassion, my friend's 3 year old son just passed away due to dengue. In penang, especially in my area dengue is like a norm. My neighbour front n side all hv been warded due to dengue this year. My friend's friend who just come from another country cought dengue in less than a month. Is like a trend and so far i dont hear any death until my friends's son passed away. He n his wife didnt expect that either.  It a shock and heart broken news. 

It can be me in both case. Life is so fragile. Few months back i close to misdiagnose for some illness. It really worry to be honest. The most worry me is to find out i want to do with my life if i really diagnose with that illness. Some of me thought, i should just leave everything n travel while partial of me want to stay to earn money or at least let my company pay for my hospital expenses. Pathetic isnt it. ? I still can't find the answer even untill now. 

Some logic. Medical treatment may help to prolong life but why we need a longer life? This is question that keep lingering i my head and i still cant find answer

1. To hv better life- will it better if u hv to work 7-7 and some during weekends too? Is like a robot that just execute daily work. Something need to change. 

2. To serve Allah- what really i do? Will lengthen my life bring me closer or bring me further? How to make me closer. 

3. To start hv meaningfull life? What is meaningfull? How you measure it?

4. to ensure my loved one is ok? 

Most beautiful view

Just comeback from vacation. It's a very nice break. It sooo beautiful. I took like tonnes of photos!!! It either the place or the gopro but i hv the most selfie or groupie photos in my entire life. I just  noticed something abt myself, i'm a nature type of person. Woods excite me more than old building... My adrenaline pumping when i see the road to the wood shades with green. I just want to stay there forever. Walk n walk n walk or looking through the lake.  Last time a friend asked me if i prefer to live near the sea or near the waterfall. At that time my answer is sea because i'm afraid jungle n animal. Emm it either i didnt know myself or i have change 180. I love lake every much. Maybe someday i want to buy hse near a lake n grow old there. 

Anyway something emm strange or miracle or weird .. I dunno know the correct words to describe what happen to me. While planning for journey, being a stubborn n greedy , i route the journey from frankfurt to vienna n return back to fra. As the train tix was cheap i bought the train from vienna to fra like a month back.  A friend was against it as too many place to cover in short period but as the tix has been bought and no refund can be made, i reluctant to change. Somehow while in germany, the train from vienna to fra was cancelled due to driver strike and i get refund. So yeah!!! We can spend more time in hallsatt which is beautiful. Although we has to make a detour back to munich n some changes on itinerary but i guess it for a better thing.  Then while Hallstatt i was walking alone to find the nice waterfall. It suppose to be 3 hrs walk. As i was walking, it start raining. I walked further n rain become heavier until my umbrella want to fly out. I decide to make a u turn back to town. I waited till the rain stop and start making my way back. Otw to toilet i stop at the "i" just to confirm my route. It happens that i took the wrong turn. If it wasn't because of rain, not sure where i ended. I guess prayers from my dear mum n friend really count. Thanks !!

Ignorant??

Reading recent comment on ahmad maslan to dr m really make me rasa x puas hati. If he said the rakyat x paham gst is one thing but he said dr m x paham gst. Hey dude.. that guys has ruling Malaysia for long enough to understand Malaysia culture. He know, everytime something increase, it will always hv ripple effect. Even discounting how seller react to gst, pure calculation show the price is higher. So far only car is reduce. Do we buy car everyday?  A nasi lemak seller has to pay her bills. All this additional gst that being imposed to the water bills, electrical bill, credit card etc, where do u think she can fork the money from? From family legacy? She dont hv yearly increment or  increment like what recently propose for MB. She has to increase the price to sustain her life. When i said life, not everyday eating outside life but normal eating in life. I dont think only rich ppl pay bills... Its everyone dude unless somehow ur bill is being paid by us.. gst has been round for near 1 month. I dont see any price go down on daily items that i hv to buy or pay. None.  Please for a second think.. think before u say anything. And i just dont understand why u said goverment sponsor us while all the while, goverment itself are build upon taxpayor n country's  resources. You are being paid by our money dude. Please work smart ok. Then only reason why most ppl are ok on gst is because we know government are broke. Broke. N this the only way to avoid government from bankcrupt. But if government  keep spending without thinking like the money is your privilleage, even if you hv golden goose, it will be doom. I'm so regret i didnt go back on the last election. I'm partial guilty to make stupid ppl lead the country. Shame to pontian ppl.