Lucky Draw

Hari ni guek ada annual dinner. Kalau ikut hati malas nak gi .. but the lucky draw amatla menarik. 32 inch plasma tv, wii, psp, air purifier , dan bermacam2 lagi .. so tabahkan la hati gi jugak.tapi sgt sedih sebab uhuhuh .. balik bawak door gift je :(. Sepanjang hidup saya .. ada 3 kali dapat lucky draw .. tapi all pun x lucky :(. The first one masa high scholl dinner. My number di annouce tapi aku dok kat changing room and my friend could not find the book sebab aku letak kat bawah meja. so hilang le aku nye lucky draw. My second time masa gi kutip sampah kat tanjung bunga. I got hair dryer .. tapi balik rumah aku try,dia nye kepala plug 2 pin tu terus terkangkang .. uhuhuhh .. tu ar sapa suruh diorang beli cap ayam. :( ... and my last lucky draw .. i was suppose to get ipod shuffle.. but when they wnat to annouce the winner, one of the guy return his lucky draw. So when my name was annouce, instead of getting the shuffle ... i got magic lamp .. uhuhuhhuu. Am I destined to get not lucky draw ... :(

My jogging equipment

emm .. hari saya sgt suke .. i have a complete set of my jogging equipment .. tapi bilakah mau berjogging ya .. :p

Graveyard

I'm watching kintaro n dlm one of the episode tu birthday anak dia which also his wife death anniversary but he forgot until his son teacher kasik hadiah utk anak dia. So bile org lain tau yg itu birthday anak dia, they plan fo a party but Kintaro x mau sebab dia nak visit garveyard isteri dia. I wondering .. when we die .. org kebumikan .. then kat dlm tanah tu kita reput .. and after sometimes, there is nothing in the kubur to actually identify ourself. We are no more physically. But every time ppl want to remember death ppl .. they will come to the graveyard. Dlm cete melayu pun banyak .. bile ada buat salah dgn org yg dah mati .. they will ask for forgiveness kat kubur .. Of course we dont know exactly where dead ppl go or should i say "roh" but i dont think it nessecary to go to graveyard to remember our dear one .. but maybe dah jadi tradition. We teach our kids to visit graveyard at least during raya .. reading yassin at the graveyard .. but it rare that we teach them to say prayers to the "arwah" everyday.. padahal saying a prayer for them everyday is less an effort to go graveyard.

Its not wrong unless you get caught!!

Aku tgk cete apa tah cakap what is define things that is wrong. Then adalah this girl cakap.. its wrong when ppl caught you.. emm i think most of us do that.. unless somebody is there to summons us .. its not wrong to speed.. or its not wrong to cut queue. But what make me surprise .. it also happen to the cat .. hehehe .. my apartment ada kucing. a stray cat yg my hsemate bela. so normally kucing ni a.k.a comel, membuat bisness dia kat litter tray dia. Sometimes she a bit fussy. If her litter box dah digunakan .. she a bit reluctant to use it again although dah cekup dah hasil bisness2 dia. starting a week ago my hsemate pergi haji .. so i became the mak tiri utk jaga dia. Mid last week she throw up .. so i wash the balcony and I didnt dry it up. the next day i noticed that some place dekat balcony tu masih x kering... and the next next day .. i noticed that bukan nya balkony tu x kering.. but comel telah kencing kat situ. I didnt realize because it very rare i sit in the hall recently.. selalunya after kasik makan dia .. terus masuk bilik. She think that if there is water .. and she pee in the water .. nobody knew.. but she didnt know one day the water will dry and leave her stains. So i wash the balcony the next day but this time, i learn my lesson and dry the balcony. In the evening I went out . When I come back, i saw there is water in the balcony. My selfclaimed " beautiful engineer" hsemate hang her jeans yg masih basah. I kind of pissed off because i knew comel will pee again. I smell something not nice .. but just ignore it and when to my other friend hse for sleepover. Today I went back and see it there is stain in the balcony so it confirm la she already pee at that water. So again I have to wash the balcony because my self claimed beautiful engineer is too busy to notice the smell because she's concentrating watching the tv which is just about 2 meter from the balcony. After i dry the balcony using the mop but you know .. it sure takes time to dry off. So i call my sis. after talking to her, i went to the hall to finish the stuff and i notice there are more water.. and it smelly. uhh .. she pee again.. so i have to wash it again. And this time i wash the whole balcony including behind a batu block kat tepi dinding. I notice this batu block pun basah.. and this must her pee point too. So i took that batu block and put in the middle of balcony. I dry it with mop .. and wait for the balcony totally dry before go in to my room. This time see didn't pee anymore.
Then tonight after giving her dinner, i sit in front of tv to watch kimora. I noticed, she walk to the wall where the batu block use to be there. She walk and see that place multiple time ... so i knew she want to do her bisness but now, no more batu block or water for her to hide her pee. I stand at the balcony door .. and just watch her . She look at me and go in her litter box .. and she pee there. It was funny that kucing pun tau nak tipu org ekk...

Tazkirah

Semalam aku sleep over kat rumah kawan aku .. bangun pagi xde benda nak buat aku abiskan le baca anis dia. emm there is one article yg agak menyentap jiwa dipagi2 hari .. it was abt solat. I can't remember sentence by sentence .. but it start with the ustaz kot tanya peserta dia .. bape org yg tau apa maksud ayat yg dia baca dlm solat .. lots of ppl say they didnt know. then one of the guy cakap thanks for make them realize something they don't know .. pastu ustaz tu cakap .. emm don't know or pretend dont' know. peserta tu agak kebingungan la .. then after a while .. peserta2 tu setuju .. yg all of them know the important of knowing what exactly we say in solat .. but they feel they have tendency of "nanti" which I have myself. then ustaz tu tanya lagi .. napekah benda ni terjadi .. diorang senyap ... n last ustza tu cakap .. pasal kita tak kisahkan Allah dalam kehidupan kita. Kila tak paham apa dlm solat .. bila kita sujud dan baca subhannallah .. kita tak benar2 mengkagumi kebesaran Allah... kita just buat satu ritual of saying something.. kalau kekash kita kasik kita surat .. sure kita kalau boleh nak pahamkan apa dia tulis .. tapi bile allah kasik kita surat ( al-quran) kita baca tanpa pahamkan.. so macam mana nak kenal Allah.
kita x ingat kesenangan yg kita nikmati .. tapi kita pikirkan kesusahan utk melaksanakan. So aku merasakan apa yg ustaz tu cakap so true. memang terkena batang hidung sendiri. Most of of us solat sebab kita x nak seksaan api neraka .. bape banyak kah kita solat sebab we want to be close with Him.. we want to thanks for the oxygen yg kita hirup setiap hari .. aku x cakap salah utk berbuat baik kerana takut dengan pembalasan but we owe Him so much. Seperti kalau kita miskin dan neighbour kita selalu beri pertolongan samada makan seharian atau penyekolahan anak .. sure kita will to do anything we can for the neighbour kan.. Not because we scared he will punish us but because we owe him so much. Ni baru neighbour .. just imagine what Allah has give us. EVERYTHING. maybe kita take for granted .. that what we have is what we should have and we didnt feeling like owing anything. We even blame Allah when we didnt get something.. we say life is unfair.
It is so sad to just pray because we scared a giant snakes akan belit kita dlm kubur... emm tiba2 teringat on tv3 news yesterday pasal parents complaint that pihak sekolah kasik anak dia tgk documentari pasal siksaan kubur.. parents complaint yg anak dia berubah and the documentary is too violent for the kids yg masih kecik. sometimes i feel our education potrayed Allah as Tuhan yg paling menakutkan. Yg selalu mencari apa kesalahan kita utk dipunish. Why it very rare that Allah diprotray sebagai Tuhan yg amat pemurah .. yg meminjamkan kita banyak benda .. dari sekecik2 bulu mata .. hinggalah sebesar2 matahari yg menyinar dihari siang ... Just imagine if everything is dark no sun... I think it is worst than not having a money to buy a shoe.
In our Islamic education at least in Malaysia, everything has to be done in some way and some procedure. we focusing on ibadah not tauhid. I still remember masa kecik .. aku kena baca bismillahirahman nir rahim berulang2 kali.. just because my "r" is not perfect .. and it the end my teacher just show me a hopeless face when i still can't get it. Bila dipikir2 kan does Allah really care if my "r" is no perfect when i tried my best? how abt org yg dilahirkan gagap .. does this mean their expression of love to God is lesser than a person that can say it very well? ..

My Father

My father wasn't a full time father.. he will be at our hse at most 3 times per week but he always try his best to fill the gap. The recent incident abt the recognition .. make me remember thing that happen to me long time ago.. rasanya masa tu standard 1. I was joining a nasyid peformance for belia 4B in my kampung.. if i remember correctly i joined because my tablemate ada lah anak sedara makcik yg ajar nasyid aka wife pada pakcik yg arrange the event. So my tablemate was the solo and i'm one of those yg dok nyanyi chorus. We practise everyday after scholl and my father knew abt it. Then when the performance day came, kitorang pun menyanyi ... emm i still remember i wear my mum red songket and white baju kurung. After the performance, we ask to wait for the prize ceremony... and they did give the piala for nasyid .. but only to solo.
After i went back home .. my father ask abt the nasyid .. and i think it was my mum say abt the prize and right away my father said .. emm nanti esok ayah gi tempah piala yg sama ya. esoknya x sempat lagi my father tempah piala ... my friend came early morning to give me piala because pakcik dia ada sepuluh or more piala lebih ... emm what i feel my father try to do .. he try to appreciate me .. and to make me feel that work hard will always a reward.. emm continue on my father ...
Me and my siblings ( bro and sis) suke amik surat masa kecik .. and we feel jealous if anyone get letter but we didnt get any... sometimes we quarrel in front of postman because there is one letter and all 3 of us want to get it from the postman. Instead of scold us .. what my father do .. he send 3 of us postcard each day until kitorang fed up dapat surat :). Same goes to buaian. We love to go to park .. because we love the buai .. sometime x nak balik .. then my father just bought a buai and put in front of our hse ..
I really love my father .. although there a thing that he did to my mum is not acceptable .. i just can't confront him, not before and not even now when i kind of experience what my mum feel. Sometimes i think .. for a person that is sensitive enough to feel other's pain ( as long as i remember my father was very generous to the poor and anak yatim when our family wast rich either), he must think what he did to my mum a lot of times .. and its hard to him too as I know he really love my mum ..

money

emmm .. kerana kegeraman semalam .. i went out to shop .. and i bought a nike running shoe which i don't know when i'm going to wear it.... emm maybe should go jogiing today

Saya sangat geram

Recently there is an recognition award given to ppl that involve in a project. Because it involved lots of ppl and the award for 10 ppl only so they only give to lead for each group. An I'm one of those yg involved but not a lead so I didnt get anything. In the same day, that guy yg incharge of this thing which in not my lead but the marketing folks who own this project, wrote me a personal email to say thanks and give clarification on the recognition. He also mention that they are fighthing for another recognition which is smaller one for us. And I'm okay with that. Today dring staff meeting, one of my colleague raise the issue of recognition procedure etc .. and after they meeting i found out from other colleague that he x puas hati that his project didnt get any recognition.
So knowing me yg suka bergossip, after come back from work, i called my ex-colleague to tell abt that guy... and end up .. my ex colleague scold me because i didnt fight for recognition. And not only that i didnt fight for my recognition .. but because i didnt fight for my junior recognition, which according to him that recognition (money) will meant a lot to her. "Yeah.. the money didnt mean to you .. although u feel it mean to you .. but how abt her? .. Dont you remember when you fresh graduate etc" .. YES I remember .. and i know money means a lot to all ppl and also to me .. tapi is not that we didnt get anything. Yes the amount is lesser .. and all of us do the same work .. but it not our rezeki .. kenapa nak marah aku pasal benda tu .. it remind me of one ayat that i read this afternoon .. i think an-nisa pasal pembahagian harta. Jangan la kita merasa dengki bila org dapat banyak bahagian dari kita ..everyone have their share.. ( emm blakang tu macam aku rekala .. lupa apa ayat full dia. tapi aku btul2 geram ....

death

Sometimes i wonder .. if i know when death will come .. what will I do .. it scary thing to think .. but at the same times I do feel its good to know it. Everyone will die .. just a matter of when. So when u know it .. it help you do a preparations ..settle hal2 duniawi... do stuff that you should do ages ago, spend times with ur family etc tapi yg at the disavantage side is ppl that love you.. I think it really really sad to know ppl that you love will leave you .. but bila pikir2 .. its good to know earlier rather than leave without saying goodbye.. i remember somewhere i read ... we should live our life such that we may die tomorrow.. i think that is so true .. but hard to do.
kadang2 pikir gak .. if i have an option to live longer .. will i tick that options? I'm not sure ... kadang2 pikir .. the longer i live .. lebih banyak dosa yg dibuat ... tapi if i die now ... i know i will regret too. kenapa senang nak pikir but susah nak buat ... haiiii

Andai kutahu.. Kapan tiba ajalku.. Ku akan memohon.. Tuhan tolong panjangkan umurku.. Andai kutahu.. Kapan tiba masaku.. Ku akan memohon.. Tuhan jangan Kau ambil nyawaku.. Aku takut.. Akan semua dosa dosaku.. Aku takut.. Dosa yang terus membayangiku .. Andai kutahu.. MalaikatMu kan menjemputku.. Izinkan aku.. Mengucap kata tobat padaMu.. Aku takut .. Akan semua dosa dosaku.. Aku takut.. Dosa yang terus membayangiku.. Ampuni aku
Dari segala dosa dosaku .. Ampuni aku .. Menangisku bertobat padaMu .. Aku manusia..Yang takut neraka.. Namun aku juga.. Tak pantas di surga.. Andai kutahu.. Kapan tiba ajalku.. Izinkan aku.. Mengucap kata tobat padaMu .. Aku takut .. Akan semua dosa dosaku .. Aku takut .. Dosa yang terus membayangiku.. Ampuni aku Dari segala dosa dosaku .. Ampuni aku .. Menangisku bertobat padaMu