Happy new year

While I'm writing this post ..is 11.30pm 31 Dec 2008. Another 30mins I'll be one year older .. ergghh .. I'm 29.. near to 30.. I don't know until when I'll be doing the exact same thing I've been doing for the past 3 years .. I starting to feel bored with my life .. x tau le if ini adalah sindrom menghampiri 30? Semalam aku borak2 ngn kawan aku. One of the topic yg diborakkan pasal what want to do in our life. Dia cakap .. people that very rich and very poor lebih beruntung. For very rich .. they have the money to do anything they want to do .. for people that very poor they do not have much to lose to do what they want to do. But for middle class ppl like us .. we stuck. We comfortable with our life .. but we not dare to chase our dream because takut dikejar tak dapat .. dikendong keciciran . Bile pikir2 .. btul apa dia cakap .. but bila dipikir lagi .. what I want to do in my life? aku pun tak tau .. Besides my work .. my family and small circle of friend.. i got nothing else. tapi apa yg aku tau .. i envy those people yg ada peluang travel .. emm adakah aku patut jadik pramugari ... kekekekehh .. terpaksa la buat series awan fatimah plak.

gerammmm

hari ni aku spend nearly a night pasal windows. Apsal windows senang sgt nak kena virus ar ... uhhuhu :(

Korban

sebenarnya aku terpikir benda ni smlm .. tapi mls btul nak berblogging. Ni berkaitan le ngn ibadat korban kita yg asal usulnya hari nabi ibrahim nyaris2 nak sembelih anak dia. So a few years back, my friedn ask me if i read salman rushdie book. Sememangnya jawaban adalah tidak .. the only book that i have momentum nak baca adalah buku shopaholic :p. So my friend mase tu kinda of bertanya if God ask us to sacrifice our son today, will we do it .. so dlm hati aku pun berpikir2 .. lama tu pikir sampai bape tahun ni... all of this wilingness .. is faith. faith that God knows than us .. faith than God always want the best for us and faith that we belong to Him. Nak cakap memang senangkan .. just "faith" tapi bila pikir2 .. i dont think i have that faith yet. Cennggg .. kita falsh back ke zaman dulu dulu when i was abt to graduate. Masa tu aku dapat offer jadi lecturer but I know I dont want to be lecturer. Dlm masa yg sama .. i really scared if i didnt take it .. i akan menganggur .. sebab dlm masa yg sama i had a hard time even to get internship..I was rejected for all my internship application. I was having this confuse confuse state until a state of depress.. So I was talking to my friend and she suggest me to solat istiharah .. but i still remember what aku cakap ngn member aku tu .. I said .. logically i should take the lecturing .. kat johor dekat ngn parents .. pastu sure2 dapat keje dah xyah menanam anggur... then is good job sebab tolong org n menyebarkan ilmu ..and i told her .. i scared if I do solat istiharah .. God will show me to take the lecturing while aku i don't think i like it... i remember i say it sambil menangis2 ..
to think abt it ... if that time I have faith to Him, I wont think that way .. because he always know the best for me .. tapi case aku ni kire ok le .. mcm 50-50 decision.. tapi bayangkan if u about to marry a handsome, charming, rich, educated, soleh , understanding guy .... dgn erti kata lain perfect la .. pastu buat solat istiharah ... and you get the guide that u should not marry him.. sure lagi confuse kan... i mean our logical brain said is GO.. but faith said NOGO.
pastu aku teringat le satu cete dlm quran (rasenye le dlm quran)... pasal nabi musa. So Allah cakap ngn nabi musa .. ada seorang yg amat bijak .. so nabi musa pun jumpa la org tu. SO dia cakap ngn org tu nak blaja dari dia la .. so Nabi musa pun follow la org tu.. Org tu cakap ok .. tapi x leh question apa yg dia buat. Kalau tanya lebih dari 3 kali dah tak leh ikut. So nabi musa cakap .. ok. So dlm journey dia, org ni buat a few stuff yg nabi musa rasa pelik sebab x mungkin org baik akan buat cam tu.. tapi aku x ingat sangat sequence n detailnya. Kalau x silap org tu bocorkan sampan org miskin .. pasu nabi musa rasa pelik la .. n bertanya la .. apsal ko buat cam tu .. tapi org tu cakap jgn tanya ... then diorang jalan lagi tiba2 .. org tu bunuh sorang budak .. pastu nabi musa tanya lagi .. pastu org tu cakap jgn tanya.. then pastu org tu robohkan rumah org .. pastu nabi musa tanya lagi apsal .. so org tu cakap la .. kerana ko tanya gak .. so lepas ni x leh ikut dah... but he explain le one by one why he did that... pasal sampan tu .. sebab kat seberang sungai ada org kaya yg jahat .. so kalau dia nampak sampan tu elok .. dia akan rampas.. so by bocorkan sampan tu .. org jahat tu x kan amik sampan org miskin... pastu lagi 2 benda tu aku pun lupa pasal apa :p.. korang cari le ..tapi kesimpulan yg aku nak cakap ialah .. aku rasa cete dlm quran ni .. actually indirectly telling us that although thing might be so clear to us .. but we only human .. so maybe there is some thing we can't understand .. so must have faith on people that know it better .. and know it all .. so indirectly saying .. must have faith on Him.

sin on praying mat

semalam i work late .. so nak solat maghrib kat opis. Masa aku masuk kat surau .. ada le sorang budak ni tgh dok cakap kat tepon on praying mat. maybe dia tgh tunggu maghrib la. dari aku masuk sampai la aku keluar .. she continue bitching abt her hsemate ... semua benda la kuar.. hahahah ... aku pun nak tak nak terpaksa la pasang telinga kan .. dah dia cakap agak kuat .. ye la org tgh meluahkan perasan .. aku paham perasan tu :p. Anyway .. what she said abt her hsemate more a less lebih kurang sama la with mine .. just i think mine .. is more nampak innocent .. pretend she innocent which sometimes I'm confuse untill my mum a.k.a detective conan ( gelaran yg adik aku kasik kat mak) yg membongkar segala misteri .. Do lots of people have problem with their hsemate? ... i went to my friend engagement last saturday .. she also told me almost similar case with her ex-hsemate. They halau her out sebab dah x tahan .. anyway ... this not my point ... my point is sometimes when we actually live with those bad people ... sometimes without we realizing we became one ... hahahaha .. the simple example is us. Me and my other hsemate. Kadang2 .. kitorang saja je masak and x pelawa dia makan ada unsur yg nak buat dia terliur ngn apa yg kitorang masak. .. and we talk to each other not involve her. My other hsemate pernah raise the question... rasa2 nya berdosa x kita buat dia macam ni... so aku cakap le .. secara theory mesti la berdosa.. tapi its theory.. aku x leh buat .. its hard to follow the theory unless we ask her to go out from the hse. We do all the stuff yg dia buat kat kitoarng .. sebab kitorang nak dia rasa cam mana. tapi dia cam x paham2 .. pelik. x kisah what our intention is .. or who start first.. in other word .. we already became like her. One of the thing yg budak pompuan yg aku jumpa kat surau tu ada cakap .." aku dah tak kira .. aku nak jadik setan dah".
I remember what my friend told me last time abt bad relationship between husband and wife. If a wife or husband find out that his partner is having an affair .. and if he/she didnt come out from the relationship ... he/she might end up doing the same thing as his partner. I think it might be true

Lucky Draw

Hari ni guek ada annual dinner. Kalau ikut hati malas nak gi .. but the lucky draw amatla menarik. 32 inch plasma tv, wii, psp, air purifier , dan bermacam2 lagi .. so tabahkan la hati gi jugak.tapi sgt sedih sebab uhuhuh .. balik bawak door gift je :(. Sepanjang hidup saya .. ada 3 kali dapat lucky draw .. tapi all pun x lucky :(. The first one masa high scholl dinner. My number di annouce tapi aku dok kat changing room and my friend could not find the book sebab aku letak kat bawah meja. so hilang le aku nye lucky draw. My second time masa gi kutip sampah kat tanjung bunga. I got hair dryer .. tapi balik rumah aku try,dia nye kepala plug 2 pin tu terus terkangkang .. uhuhuhh .. tu ar sapa suruh diorang beli cap ayam. :( ... and my last lucky draw .. i was suppose to get ipod shuffle.. but when they wnat to annouce the winner, one of the guy return his lucky draw. So when my name was annouce, instead of getting the shuffle ... i got magic lamp .. uhuhuhhuu. Am I destined to get not lucky draw ... :(

My jogging equipment

emm .. hari saya sgt suke .. i have a complete set of my jogging equipment .. tapi bilakah mau berjogging ya .. :p

Graveyard

I'm watching kintaro n dlm one of the episode tu birthday anak dia which also his wife death anniversary but he forgot until his son teacher kasik hadiah utk anak dia. So bile org lain tau yg itu birthday anak dia, they plan fo a party but Kintaro x mau sebab dia nak visit garveyard isteri dia. I wondering .. when we die .. org kebumikan .. then kat dlm tanah tu kita reput .. and after sometimes, there is nothing in the kubur to actually identify ourself. We are no more physically. But every time ppl want to remember death ppl .. they will come to the graveyard. Dlm cete melayu pun banyak .. bile ada buat salah dgn org yg dah mati .. they will ask for forgiveness kat kubur .. Of course we dont know exactly where dead ppl go or should i say "roh" but i dont think it nessecary to go to graveyard to remember our dear one .. but maybe dah jadi tradition. We teach our kids to visit graveyard at least during raya .. reading yassin at the graveyard .. but it rare that we teach them to say prayers to the "arwah" everyday.. padahal saying a prayer for them everyday is less an effort to go graveyard.

Its not wrong unless you get caught!!

Aku tgk cete apa tah cakap what is define things that is wrong. Then adalah this girl cakap.. its wrong when ppl caught you.. emm i think most of us do that.. unless somebody is there to summons us .. its not wrong to speed.. or its not wrong to cut queue. But what make me surprise .. it also happen to the cat .. hehehe .. my apartment ada kucing. a stray cat yg my hsemate bela. so normally kucing ni a.k.a comel, membuat bisness dia kat litter tray dia. Sometimes she a bit fussy. If her litter box dah digunakan .. she a bit reluctant to use it again although dah cekup dah hasil bisness2 dia. starting a week ago my hsemate pergi haji .. so i became the mak tiri utk jaga dia. Mid last week she throw up .. so i wash the balcony and I didnt dry it up. the next day i noticed that some place dekat balcony tu masih x kering... and the next next day .. i noticed that bukan nya balkony tu x kering.. but comel telah kencing kat situ. I didnt realize because it very rare i sit in the hall recently.. selalunya after kasik makan dia .. terus masuk bilik. She think that if there is water .. and she pee in the water .. nobody knew.. but she didnt know one day the water will dry and leave her stains. So i wash the balcony the next day but this time, i learn my lesson and dry the balcony. In the evening I went out . When I come back, i saw there is water in the balcony. My selfclaimed " beautiful engineer" hsemate hang her jeans yg masih basah. I kind of pissed off because i knew comel will pee again. I smell something not nice .. but just ignore it and when to my other friend hse for sleepover. Today I went back and see it there is stain in the balcony so it confirm la she already pee at that water. So again I have to wash the balcony because my self claimed beautiful engineer is too busy to notice the smell because she's concentrating watching the tv which is just about 2 meter from the balcony. After i dry the balcony using the mop but you know .. it sure takes time to dry off. So i call my sis. after talking to her, i went to the hall to finish the stuff and i notice there are more water.. and it smelly. uhh .. she pee again.. so i have to wash it again. And this time i wash the whole balcony including behind a batu block kat tepi dinding. I notice this batu block pun basah.. and this must her pee point too. So i took that batu block and put in the middle of balcony. I dry it with mop .. and wait for the balcony totally dry before go in to my room. This time see didn't pee anymore.
Then tonight after giving her dinner, i sit in front of tv to watch kimora. I noticed, she walk to the wall where the batu block use to be there. She walk and see that place multiple time ... so i knew she want to do her bisness but now, no more batu block or water for her to hide her pee. I stand at the balcony door .. and just watch her . She look at me and go in her litter box .. and she pee there. It was funny that kucing pun tau nak tipu org ekk...

Tazkirah

Semalam aku sleep over kat rumah kawan aku .. bangun pagi xde benda nak buat aku abiskan le baca anis dia. emm there is one article yg agak menyentap jiwa dipagi2 hari .. it was abt solat. I can't remember sentence by sentence .. but it start with the ustaz kot tanya peserta dia .. bape org yg tau apa maksud ayat yg dia baca dlm solat .. lots of ppl say they didnt know. then one of the guy cakap thanks for make them realize something they don't know .. pastu ustaz tu cakap .. emm don't know or pretend dont' know. peserta tu agak kebingungan la .. then after a while .. peserta2 tu setuju .. yg all of them know the important of knowing what exactly we say in solat .. but they feel they have tendency of "nanti" which I have myself. then ustaz tu tanya lagi .. napekah benda ni terjadi .. diorang senyap ... n last ustza tu cakap .. pasal kita tak kisahkan Allah dalam kehidupan kita. Kila tak paham apa dlm solat .. bila kita sujud dan baca subhannallah .. kita tak benar2 mengkagumi kebesaran Allah... kita just buat satu ritual of saying something.. kalau kekash kita kasik kita surat .. sure kita kalau boleh nak pahamkan apa dia tulis .. tapi bile allah kasik kita surat ( al-quran) kita baca tanpa pahamkan.. so macam mana nak kenal Allah.
kita x ingat kesenangan yg kita nikmati .. tapi kita pikirkan kesusahan utk melaksanakan. So aku merasakan apa yg ustaz tu cakap so true. memang terkena batang hidung sendiri. Most of of us solat sebab kita x nak seksaan api neraka .. bape banyak kah kita solat sebab we want to be close with Him.. we want to thanks for the oxygen yg kita hirup setiap hari .. aku x cakap salah utk berbuat baik kerana takut dengan pembalasan but we owe Him so much. Seperti kalau kita miskin dan neighbour kita selalu beri pertolongan samada makan seharian atau penyekolahan anak .. sure kita will to do anything we can for the neighbour kan.. Not because we scared he will punish us but because we owe him so much. Ni baru neighbour .. just imagine what Allah has give us. EVERYTHING. maybe kita take for granted .. that what we have is what we should have and we didnt feeling like owing anything. We even blame Allah when we didnt get something.. we say life is unfair.
It is so sad to just pray because we scared a giant snakes akan belit kita dlm kubur... emm tiba2 teringat on tv3 news yesterday pasal parents complaint that pihak sekolah kasik anak dia tgk documentari pasal siksaan kubur.. parents complaint yg anak dia berubah and the documentary is too violent for the kids yg masih kecik. sometimes i feel our education potrayed Allah as Tuhan yg paling menakutkan. Yg selalu mencari apa kesalahan kita utk dipunish. Why it very rare that Allah diprotray sebagai Tuhan yg amat pemurah .. yg meminjamkan kita banyak benda .. dari sekecik2 bulu mata .. hinggalah sebesar2 matahari yg menyinar dihari siang ... Just imagine if everything is dark no sun... I think it is worst than not having a money to buy a shoe.
In our Islamic education at least in Malaysia, everything has to be done in some way and some procedure. we focusing on ibadah not tauhid. I still remember masa kecik .. aku kena baca bismillahirahman nir rahim berulang2 kali.. just because my "r" is not perfect .. and it the end my teacher just show me a hopeless face when i still can't get it. Bila dipikir2 kan does Allah really care if my "r" is no perfect when i tried my best? how abt org yg dilahirkan gagap .. does this mean their expression of love to God is lesser than a person that can say it very well? ..

My Father

My father wasn't a full time father.. he will be at our hse at most 3 times per week but he always try his best to fill the gap. The recent incident abt the recognition .. make me remember thing that happen to me long time ago.. rasanya masa tu standard 1. I was joining a nasyid peformance for belia 4B in my kampung.. if i remember correctly i joined because my tablemate ada lah anak sedara makcik yg ajar nasyid aka wife pada pakcik yg arrange the event. So my tablemate was the solo and i'm one of those yg dok nyanyi chorus. We practise everyday after scholl and my father knew abt it. Then when the performance day came, kitorang pun menyanyi ... emm i still remember i wear my mum red songket and white baju kurung. After the performance, we ask to wait for the prize ceremony... and they did give the piala for nasyid .. but only to solo.
After i went back home .. my father ask abt the nasyid .. and i think it was my mum say abt the prize and right away my father said .. emm nanti esok ayah gi tempah piala yg sama ya. esoknya x sempat lagi my father tempah piala ... my friend came early morning to give me piala because pakcik dia ada sepuluh or more piala lebih ... emm what i feel my father try to do .. he try to appreciate me .. and to make me feel that work hard will always a reward.. emm continue on my father ...
Me and my siblings ( bro and sis) suke amik surat masa kecik .. and we feel jealous if anyone get letter but we didnt get any... sometimes we quarrel in front of postman because there is one letter and all 3 of us want to get it from the postman. Instead of scold us .. what my father do .. he send 3 of us postcard each day until kitorang fed up dapat surat :). Same goes to buaian. We love to go to park .. because we love the buai .. sometime x nak balik .. then my father just bought a buai and put in front of our hse ..
I really love my father .. although there a thing that he did to my mum is not acceptable .. i just can't confront him, not before and not even now when i kind of experience what my mum feel. Sometimes i think .. for a person that is sensitive enough to feel other's pain ( as long as i remember my father was very generous to the poor and anak yatim when our family wast rich either), he must think what he did to my mum a lot of times .. and its hard to him too as I know he really love my mum ..

money

emmm .. kerana kegeraman semalam .. i went out to shop .. and i bought a nike running shoe which i don't know when i'm going to wear it.... emm maybe should go jogiing today

Saya sangat geram

Recently there is an recognition award given to ppl that involve in a project. Because it involved lots of ppl and the award for 10 ppl only so they only give to lead for each group. An I'm one of those yg involved but not a lead so I didnt get anything. In the same day, that guy yg incharge of this thing which in not my lead but the marketing folks who own this project, wrote me a personal email to say thanks and give clarification on the recognition. He also mention that they are fighthing for another recognition which is smaller one for us. And I'm okay with that. Today dring staff meeting, one of my colleague raise the issue of recognition procedure etc .. and after they meeting i found out from other colleague that he x puas hati that his project didnt get any recognition.
So knowing me yg suka bergossip, after come back from work, i called my ex-colleague to tell abt that guy... and end up .. my ex colleague scold me because i didnt fight for recognition. And not only that i didnt fight for my recognition .. but because i didnt fight for my junior recognition, which according to him that recognition (money) will meant a lot to her. "Yeah.. the money didnt mean to you .. although u feel it mean to you .. but how abt her? .. Dont you remember when you fresh graduate etc" .. YES I remember .. and i know money means a lot to all ppl and also to me .. tapi is not that we didnt get anything. Yes the amount is lesser .. and all of us do the same work .. but it not our rezeki .. kenapa nak marah aku pasal benda tu .. it remind me of one ayat that i read this afternoon .. i think an-nisa pasal pembahagian harta. Jangan la kita merasa dengki bila org dapat banyak bahagian dari kita ..everyone have their share.. ( emm blakang tu macam aku rekala .. lupa apa ayat full dia. tapi aku btul2 geram ....

death

Sometimes i wonder .. if i know when death will come .. what will I do .. it scary thing to think .. but at the same times I do feel its good to know it. Everyone will die .. just a matter of when. So when u know it .. it help you do a preparations ..settle hal2 duniawi... do stuff that you should do ages ago, spend times with ur family etc tapi yg at the disavantage side is ppl that love you.. I think it really really sad to know ppl that you love will leave you .. but bila pikir2 .. its good to know earlier rather than leave without saying goodbye.. i remember somewhere i read ... we should live our life such that we may die tomorrow.. i think that is so true .. but hard to do.
kadang2 pikir gak .. if i have an option to live longer .. will i tick that options? I'm not sure ... kadang2 pikir .. the longer i live .. lebih banyak dosa yg dibuat ... tapi if i die now ... i know i will regret too. kenapa senang nak pikir but susah nak buat ... haiiii

Andai kutahu.. Kapan tiba ajalku.. Ku akan memohon.. Tuhan tolong panjangkan umurku.. Andai kutahu.. Kapan tiba masaku.. Ku akan memohon.. Tuhan jangan Kau ambil nyawaku.. Aku takut.. Akan semua dosa dosaku.. Aku takut.. Dosa yang terus membayangiku .. Andai kutahu.. MalaikatMu kan menjemputku.. Izinkan aku.. Mengucap kata tobat padaMu.. Aku takut .. Akan semua dosa dosaku.. Aku takut.. Dosa yang terus membayangiku.. Ampuni aku
Dari segala dosa dosaku .. Ampuni aku .. Menangisku bertobat padaMu .. Aku manusia..Yang takut neraka.. Namun aku juga.. Tak pantas di surga.. Andai kutahu.. Kapan tiba ajalku.. Izinkan aku.. Mengucap kata tobat padaMu .. Aku takut .. Akan semua dosa dosaku .. Aku takut .. Dosa yang terus membayangiku.. Ampuni aku Dari segala dosa dosaku .. Ampuni aku .. Menangisku bertobat padaMu

muhibah

I just come back from my friend depa open hse. Quite amazing .. the hse that he stay has been there for 55 years and he's the 3rd generation that stay there. Next to his hse is 2 chinese hse on the left another indian muslim on the right. both chineese neighbour know how to speak tamil and his father know hokkien. And they has been very close to each other for 3 generation...In my place, we used to be close with our chinese neighbour when i was kid. Visiting them in the evening ...but now when we grow up, the uncle/auntie stay with their son somewhere far, only come back once a while .. and we never close to their sons/daughter that stay in their hse replacing them ... so my niece will never closes to their kids so our relationship only last 1 gen saja.
Even for my real "auntie", we visting each other during festive and wedding or any important occassion like my bro convocation etc ..and my mum did call my auntie once a while but i wonder when all the old generation passed away, will this relationship stay?

cheating

emm .. i had a scary dream a couple days ago.. rasanya ni semua pengaruh magazine that i read right before sleep... tu la .. kan mak cakap suruh baca ayah .. dok gak baca benda yg lagha ...
anyway .. i dream that i cheat my partner.. it wasn't clear either i was married or not that time ... tapi yg pastinya i'm cheating la. there is a new guy just come to my group .. ( em x sure group apa.. biasa la mimpi kan). We start talking .. and he make me laugh and felt seperti di atas awan which in that dream it been long time since my partner do the same thing.. and at that point .. although i know its wrong .. but i can't help to like it ... my heart beat faster .. and it just make me feel berbunga2 .. hahahha ... ( sorry le ekk .. i dont know how to describe it).. and at the same time i feel guilty .. because in that dream, i do know that i love my partner and this will hurt him .. so i was trapped in guilty and perasan yg berbunga2 tu. the feeling was too strong sampai bile aku bangun pun .. it gave me a deep impact which make me feel a bit down. Now i know why ppl cheat .. and i think one of the reason why people did not cheat sebab there is no org ketiga yg kasik perasan berbunga2 tu.. emm i'm not sure how easy to have this perasan berbunga2 .. sebab not all guy yg tackle u will give this feeling (some may make u iritated :p)... but i think if we are in relationship, better to avoid too close with other guy sebab kita tak tau if suddenly we have that perasan berbunga2 again. at that time it hard to control yourself. :p.....
** all the story just a dream .. xde kena mengena dengan hidup atau mati :)

they take away my youth

emmm .. semalam while waiting for maghrib a.k.a bukak pose .. i saw an advertisement kat astro pasal documentary abt korea girl yg jadi sex slave masa zaman perang... ada lah makcik ni cakap " they take a way my youth" ...
emmm aku terus terpikir... when I'm old .. lebih kurang mcm makcik tu .. what are the thing that I regret not doing when I'm young ... to be truth .. i don't know... but at the same time x nak le aku plak " i take away my youth" ... maybe is not too late for me to think abt it ya ...

I.S.A

i was shocked today that another 2 ppl kena masuk ISA. the reporter yg tulis pasal ahmad cakap chineese pendatang and teresa kok. I know nothing abt Teresa kok so i google la .. found that somebody said she make complain regarding azan at early morning. It was reported in Utusan Malaysia. And she denied it and imam kat surau pun lodge police report saying that they didnt use mic due to some technical problem and not because of ppl presure. So obliviously org yg accused her is lying la .. unless got some consprirasy theory lagi. Anyway .. i dont care but what i see both are similar case. Why in Teresa Kok case, they didn't catch the utusan guy under ISA? The article that he wrote even if true or not boleh bawak racial tension what.. same case like the chineese reporter. why they gave ahmad 3 years suspension in UMNO only while teresa kok kena isa... conpius kan ... but for me in both cases, ISA is not an answer.. its like pouring oil to the fire... i'm not sure what games they are playing .. but really stupid. Is there no one in the supreme council that can think this just make them look stupid like a spoilt brats.
i wonder if there will be anything happen next few days .. Thai are already in conflicts .. will we in turn?

Never too late

While kill the time before pergi office i read this article... A good article for us yg semestinya sentiasa membuat dosa sama ada kita sedar atau tidak.

Jalan Pulang Ke Pangkuan Tuhan Terlalu Luas

Surah al-Zumar ayat 53: (maksudnya), Katakanlah: Wahai hamba- hamba-Ku yang telah melampaui batas terhadap diri mereka sendiri (dengan perbuatan maksiat), janganlah kamu berputus asa dari rahmat Allah, kerana sesungguhnya Allah mengampunkan segala dosa; sesungguhnya Dialah jua Yang Maha Pengampun, lagi Maha Mengasihani.

Quota

kadang2 manusia ni pelik. Sekarang ni non-malay nak kesama rata-an kat Malaysia. I can understand the feeling tapi lebih pelik sebab some of Malays yang rasa all the privillege make them feel not confident. Make they feel, its because of all the subsidy, all the quota that give them a chance to do that. Kenapa aku rasa pelik? emm first of all, memang la all the quota/subsidy tu untuk org yang handicap .. so kalau rasa x handicap, nape nak amik gak. For example.. if you rasa nak masuk university .. try your best in your SPM. You should know better what u answer for your SPM right and if you feel, you not suppose to be accept to university based on your result, give the place to some other ppl. Why you nak amik gak. If you rasa you deserve because you felt that your environment didnt help you for study (you need to take care your bro and sis while ur parents go to work and weekend ur work part time etc) then it cause your result teruk but if you given a chance you will make it.. then apa nak pertikaikan confident. You are handicap.. and people give you chance so your son will have conducive environment for their growth. So use the chance and improve yourself and your family. Pastu lagi satu ... do we really have to care if we deserve to be where we are .. I think what we should be thinking .. God give us chance.. so do all the best. For me, I do feel NEP give me way to create my own path. If i wasnt be chosen to SBP, I'm not sure what my SPM result will be .. what my dream will be ... what I will be. People can say that ... aa.. u should have confident to yourself. Yes I do have but I cant deny the fact those thing are helping to shape my life. Back in my kampung before my UPSR, people didnt really care abt education.. and me too. Nobody study during exam ..we just follow the flow. We play.. play and watch TV. Even when my teacher - Cikgu Hamisan asked us what we want for UPSR, I'm so clueless. We just say 4A's without mean it. There is no peer pressure ..etc. We have parents that ask us "blaja rajin rajin" but we didnt see how really important eduction to us. But I think things are different in boarding school. People start discussion abt subject even one month before exam. The girl finish the homeworks and we really mean when we say 8A's for PMR. We try hard for that and because your friend try hard, your teacher try hard .. you too will try hard. Those golden years actually shapen yourself. So for me, all the quota is need for the handicap like me last time .. but I think I'm no longer handicap .. so my kids ( if I ever have one) he/she should be treated as normal person and its my task to make sure she up to the competition world. :). So I do agree the NEP, quota etc should be end in future .. not because it cause Malays not confident etc, but because we taking others portion ...and its not right!

Where all the good ppl go ...

Last night, I have a very long late discussion with my friend maybe I called him Mr S. Prior to that, we actually experience 5 hours of awkward situation when one of our or at least my ex-good friend : Mr-L buat hal. Mr-L didnt say anything, just smsing using his phone with a toyo face while we have our tea and with us, one of our colleague that I consider a good person: Ms J was also there. Just imagine the situation and how she felt abt it. So selfish ...and he wasnt like that a night before or even a night before that before. The reason? I'm also not sure .. as he never been sincere to say what he felt or what he want. What I know on Friday night, he behave himself maybe because we met with uncle/autie which happen to be the parents of someone he likes... and yesterday the uncle/auntie held barbeque and invite us incase we want to kill time before our flight. But instead of going there, all of us decided to just have a tea in a mall. macam x malu je nak gi makan free at someone's hse yg kitorang x kenal. Yeah he give hints, which as usual he will end it ..no lah no lah just joking. But when we ask him, if he want to go ... he said dont want la.. but he buat hal at the mall. He so manipulative .. he make us feel what he want us to feel.. actually there is lots more but malas nak menulis .. the conclusion .. Mr-L, is someone that most ppl will felt he a good guy ... caring abt others .. at least that what I felt last time.. He one of a ppl that I respect but seeing how he behave.. how he make ppl feel bad .. how he didnt talk to my other friend for > than one year .. how he just resigned from a company without saying goodbye to ppl that care abt him... how he make that guy feel bad .. how he actually go and met my boss in his first day work while all the past year that I know him, he been mengumpat and hate my boss just because now my boss may bring benefit to him... how he help a girl that rejected him and treat him badly to get a new job just to build a reputation infront of that girl while he didnt do anything to another guy friend who want to get a job but didnt being call for the interview which he claim is his friend .. who always be there with him .. So SELFISH ..
haaa .. ni baru intro
Actually this thing more effecting my dear friend - Mr-S. Mr-S doesnt have much friend because he too choosy .. if he felt the guy is a jerk .. he wont put a nice face .. he will try to put at least 10 meter distance .. doesnt matter if that guy nice to him .. but jerk to other ppl, as long as he is jerk ... so is a "NO" friend. When he first met Mr-L, he was surprise that finally he saw someone like him .. at least that want he thought .. but as time goes by .. and now what we see Mr-L is so cunning .. is worst that normal jerk in the office .. who wear a nice guy hat while we are not sure who he is... this affect him to much.. i felt he slowly lost faith in human ..
One of thing that Mr-S said during our long discussion, he wonder .. all religion are teaching that do good to other ppl and also giving is better that accepting but why in our current world .. it hard to see those thing happen. I do give a thought of it .. and I felt .. it wasnt abt the religion .. the religion is for our guidance .. but either we follow or not was up to individual faith.. So i felt in your IC, either your religion is Islam, or Christian, or Buddhist or Hindu or Atheist .. it doesnt make any different if our heart didnt recognize it... A lots of ppl pray to their own God but didnt have faith that God own everything .. they still think their lead the way which cause this selfishness.
For me, I felt I won't be really sad that now I met lots of bad ppl but I feel happy when I found a good ppl. As we know .. at the end of the day .. most people will became selfish and loss faith to Allah so when we actually found a good person .. we should appreciate it. Maybe I'm lucky to still see good ppl do a good thing in this world and they are near to me. I really thank Allah for his bless as I felt seeing those thing make me never loss hope and why should I care abt manipulative Mr-L.

A matter of perpective

A matter of perspective

MUSINGS
By MARINA MAHATHIR

What we regard as poor in Malaysia would be very rich in Bangladesh. Yet in some ways, their poverty has made them much more innovative than us richer Malaysians.

IT was a moment when I became aware of perspective. I was in Bangladesh talking to the staff of BRAC, the world’s largest NGO that does tremendous work in alleviating poverty.

They asked me what our poverty line was and I replied, relying on memory that it was about US$200 per month.

“Per month?” they asked, “that’s our per capita income!”

In fact, both of us were a bit off the mark. Our poverty level is at about US$218 while Bangladesh’s per capita income is now US$599 (although I have also found a source that says US$1,400).

But the point is, our monthly poverty level is way above their per capita income (ours is at US$14,400). That is an indication of how relative poverty is when you compare different countries. What we regard as poor here would be very rich indeed over there.

This was evident in a field trip I made to a village outside Dhaka to visit women members of the Grameen Bank microcredit project. Over the past 20 years, these women were able to set up small businesses that in turn enabled them to raise their living standards, own property and become more self-confident.

But to understand how their lives have improved, we have to understand what they started with. They started with virtually nothing: no property, no clean water, no opportunity to generate any income nor send their children to school. Now, through the loans they obtained from Grameen Bank and other microcredit facilities, all these have come true for them.

But if Malaysians were to visit them, they would still think these women were poor.

They may have TVs, fridges and mobile phones but they still live in homes with only two rooms, one of which is a bedroom-cum-kitchen. They may own a fleet of rickshaws but no cars. They still buy provisions from the little village grocery shop, not from any hypermarkets. Their children still run around the village in bare feet.

I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing. While I would certainly wish for better health and nutrition standards for all poor Bangladeshis, these initiatives and many others that I saw there have made genuine improvements in their lives.

I visited a school for slum kids that has done so well that these kids regularly best their richer schoolmates when they join the mainstream school system.

I visited a safe motherhood clinic that has done much to cut down on maternal and infant mortality in the slums. In many ways, they are doing what we did in the early years after independence.

Yet in some ways, the poverty has made Bangladeshis much more innovative than us richer Malaysians. They have a genuine Nobel laureate in Prof Mohamad Yunus and Grameen Bank for the sheer simple ingenuity of microcredit. We don’t.

Their people may be poor but not lacking in entrepreneurial spirit. Who hasn’t heard of the Telephone Ladies, village women who found a way of making money through the hiring of time on their mobile phones? Or the enterprising villager I saw who installed a satellite dish and is providing cable TV to her fellow villagers?

When people need to survive, they become resourceful and inventive. Sometimes I think that is what we are lacking here; perhaps because we are generally comfortable, price hikes notwithstanding.

The existence of so many NGOs doing excellent work among the poor in Bangladesh may point to a failure of government to provide the basics but it also illustrates a lively grassroots movement, dedicated to empowering the poor and marginalised.

Indeed, it was interesting to me that everyone, from government right down to poor villagers, is not reticent about using the word “empowerment” and means it as well. Here, it is treated as if it’s full of germs.

In Malaysia, we expect the Government to provide everything. It is rightly the Government’s responsibility to provide us with good education, healthcare, infrastructure, law and order. But, sometimes I think this has created a dependency on government that stifles creativity and innovation.

Beyond the basics, how do we help and support the marginalised, the disenfranchised, the disabled, the uneducated and the impoverished? We seem to think that throwing money at them is all it takes.

When was the last time we heard a Minister talk about empowering anyone? Instead, almost always somebody else is blamed for problems: parents, teachers, women, the Opposition, foreigners.

In the past, Malaysians used to go to Dhaka to study at university there. These days Bangladeshis come here to work, mostly as menial labourers.

It’s an abject lesson in not taking development for granted and how, through poor leadership, it can be lost overnight. We should heed that lesson.

Happy Merdeka!

The Dark Knight

I just watch Dark Knight .. yeah I know it too late to comment anything on it. But really a nice movie .. it will be so scared if we have hv same criminal ..

The reluctant politician

Some times ago, an uncle asked me to read a book : Tun DR Ismail - the reluctant politician. Emm last week masa dok melepak kat borders, tiba2 ternampak buku tu and baca la a few pages...
I kind of admire him .. I think he is really a leader... The way he worry much abt the country more than himself and even the party. How I wish we still have those politician nowadays .. Quote from him regarding Malay's special right from another blog

“This proved a less intractable problem because the leaders of the Alliance realised the practical necessity of giving the Malays a handicap if they were to compete on equal terms with the other races. The only point of controversy was the duration of the ’special position’ — should there be a time limit or should it be permanent? I made a suggestion which was accepted, that the question be left to the Malays themselves, because I felt that as more and more Malays became educated and gained self-confidence, they themselves would do away with this ’special position’ because in itself this ’special position’ is a slur on the ability of the Malays and only to be tolerated because it is necessary as a temporary measure to ensure their survival in the modern competitive world: a world to which only those in the urban areas had been exposed”.

membebel di malam hari

Sometimes, i felt it is true that politic and religion should not be together at least in Malaysia. Maybe it not abt politic but party politic. When someone that have deep in religion knowledge involved in politics, they tend to follow what the party say. so scary ...
I felt only through education you can change people. You can't blame people if they dont understand abt freedom or equality. Maybe they never been expose to the idea. If you believe in freedom/equality, you have to show them what it's mean, not by expect them to understand it. It wasn't as simple as " We are equal or we want equality". I think this is what happen in Malaysia. People use this equality concept as mean for gaining the vote not to educate ppl which cause all the hatred among race. When we say abt equality it will involved 2 component. One component is "the less" and another one component is "the more". So most of the time, this equality concept diceramahkan pada "the less". So mestilah "the less" ni semakin membara2 perasaannya while the anti-equality willl give the ceramah to the "the more". Sure la semakin membara2 jugak as "the more" felt that "the less" want something which is not belong to "the less". So i felt all this thing can only be fix at the grassroot. Somebody must educate and show "the more" what is yours and what is not. If suddenly Pakatan Rakyat able to get the country and try to enforce this equality concept, I do feel tragedy 13 May or some riot may happen as "the more" still didnt get the concept yet and they felt they are victim.
I read Dr Mahathirs's blog which I partial agree on the need to have certain law and agreement to control the sensitivity. While I agree that we need to have this extra law compare to other country to ensure peace due to the sensitivity in Malaysia, we also need to drive an effort to make this sensitivity is no more a sensitivity. We can't just rely on on law as over time it surely break. When the law break and people are not ready, this is when another civil war may happen. Our education may need to restructure to ensure this sensitivity impact to society is lessen over time but I'm not sure if it will happen or not.

Single vs married

bila dok baca entry emo cpah pagi tadi tetiba terasa nak menulis benda yang lebih kurang sama. hahahah .. tapi rasanya tak le sampai kuar api kat monitor. Seperti mana single single yang lain .. ada le mulut2 yang suka nak bertanya bila aku nak kawin .. kawin best etc. But when i think of it, not all of my married friend are happier compared to when they are singles. Marriage not only come with companionship but lots of responsibility. Like normal relationship, not all the time the responsibility is shared among the couples.
For me marriage can be divide into 3 types. First type, when we marry to wrong guy or girl. Husband cheated on you or the wife cheated on the husband etc. Second type, the husband is good person, not even look at another woman but does not love his wife as much as he should do. For example: they went for oustation bring their 1 year old daughther. Then the wife nak jumpa kawan dia. Husband dia, after hantar wife and anak dia ke tempat yang kawan dia janji nak jumpa, terus balik hotel and tidur. You just imagine, the wife dah lama x jumpa kawan dia, sure ada banyak benda nak cakap and then anak umur setahun sure banyak ragam kadang2 nak tido etc. So what he expect if the daughther want to sleep.. nak suruh wife dia dukung je ke. At least make sure the wife bawak stroller etc. Maybe the wife is okay but i will be sad if I'm his wife. Another example, wife and husband keje. Balik keja, wife do all the stuff, cooking, laundry, clean the dishes and even pick up towel yang letak bersepah2. Sama2 keja kan... and sama2 penat. takkan x leh considerate? At least if the husband lazy, he can suggest the wife amik cleaner or helper.
The third type, for me is the perfect marriage. They do quarrel, have some argument on certain thing but they let go certain thing just to make the partner happy. Marriage need a lots of scarification from both. I'm happy as single and I don't want to trap in the first and second type of marriage. If I have chance to have the third type of marriage, I'm more than happy to leave my single title tapi sekarang x nampak bayang lagi :).
Sometimes the perception that being singles are not happy, bukan je datang dari pertanyaan og2 yang dah kawin dan beranak pinak but from singles too. There is one time, I'm visiting my friend X yang dah ada anak together with my other friend Y yang dah ada anak gak. Then suddenly i got a phone call from my single friend. When I told her that I'm at X's house together with Y, her responds "semua org pun ngn anak masing2, ko je xde .. " (ayat dah diubah sebab x ingat :p). Does the "single" title prevent us to mix around with married friend. Maybe perception masyarakat that when your are 30 and not yet marry it's a real taboo compare than your own happiness. huhhuhuhhu .. I wish i always have the strength to stand on my own thought rather follow what people say/think.
tetiba teringat pakcik teksi kat kampung aku. He complaining abt her daughther yang x kawin lagi which he claimed one of the reason sebab anak dia beli kereta besar (waja). Org laki takut kalau nampak perempuan ada kereta besar. Terasa nak gelak tapi those type of guy exist.

ombak...

so tired today .. maybe sebab fasting. Hahahha .. baru nak ganti puasa. Anyway while surfing the net i found some advise. Maybe we should be more neutral on our current politic situation... :)

And pursue not that of which thou hast no knowledge; for every act of hearing, or of seeing or of (feeling in) the heart will be enquired into (on the Day of Reckoning).
--Al-isra' 36

Prayer Helps Us Chip Away Our Egotism

Good reads on prayer.. tapi teringat lak satu cerita yang aku baca. This guy going to government office to apply for a tender or something la. Tapi org kat situ cakap " kejap ye .. org yang in charge tgh sembahyang". So he wait .. after 10 minutes that lady in charge pun sampai. After fill up form etc, the lady said " kalau nak process cepat.. u bayar RM40.. kalau tak, entah bila siap"... rasa kelakarkan..

Prayer Helps Us Chip Away Our Egotism
7/10/2008 - Religious Education Interfaith - Article Ref: WP0807-3614
Number of comments: 1
Opinion Summary: Agree:1 Disagree:0 Neutral:0
By: Karen Armstrong
Washington Post* -

I always had difficulty with prayer. If God knows everything and is, as the Qur'an says, closer to me than my jugular vein, why did he need to hear my requests?

I disliked the idea of a God who demands endless praise - he reminded me of a tyrant who demands constant, obsequious abasement from his subjects. Surely God did not need to be reminded that he had created the world and that we are all miserable sinners, as we say so frequently in our liturgy.

And I had great problems with petition. Why should God answer my prayers, when he so clearly fails to heed the prayers of many hopeless people throughout the world? I also did not really believe in a God who would intervene in history and change the natural order: Why should he avert a storm from the location where I am planning a picnic and send the storm onto some other unfortunate folk?

But then I came to understand that prayer is really for us. It is selfishness and egotism that hold us back from God and our best selves. We use language to build a protective carapace around ourselves, to ward off attack and to bolster our self-esteem. How rare it is to really apologize; and how frequently the person who does apologize points out that you too are somewhat to blame for what has occurred.

How rare it is really to praise. There is a nasty little part of us that feels impaired by somebody else's success or good fortune. I recall a friend once saying to me: "Oh Karen! Congratulations on your marvelous reviews!" And then, almost immediately: "Have you put on weight recently?" People are often reluctant truly to thank somebody from the bottom of their heart or to express need: It is a tough world and you have to seem in control.

But prayer teaches us to use language in a different way: To thank, praise, and beg pardon wholeheartedly, without holding anything back. And as we do that, we chip away at our egotism. And that, in turn, will make us a force for good to the people around us and make the world a better place-without asking God to perform a miracle.

My future

While watching macam-macam aznil, my sister cerita la pasal previous episode. Aznil called 3 kids, sorang indian and lagi 2 tu Malay. Then he asked the kid " Nanti besar nak jadik apa?"... The malays kids cakap nak jadik artis la .. but the indian tu despite aznil tanya nak jadik artis ke, penyanyi ke dia jawab nak jadik dr or scientist.Emmm ... we can see the different of thinking ..and it scary because they are our future. I didnt mean jadik artist tu salah if they really mean it, put effort on it .. became a genious on music etc and not just day dreaming utk jadi glamour.
si bapa sibuk dok ke sini sana hantar petition Malays right, si emak dok sibuk suruh anak bergelek.. so anak tu terus day dreaming while keep on blaming other races who came to Malay land and took their right. Salah sapekah itu??

the news sucks

Semakin hari news kat malaysia ni make me sick.. x kisah la thestar ke .. malaysia-today ke .. people lie everyday .. people manipulate words everyday .. i wonder how they can sleep at night... sometimes people just simply say something yang diorang x tau apa2 pun. :(

Naruto ... Please dont read if you dont want to spoil your anime

I just finished reading Naruto Manga over the weekend. Uhhuhuh .. sangat la sedih and tak dapat nak bayangkan what will happen in future. Sasuke finally killed his brother and after he killed him, he only know the truth that all this while, his brother try to protect him while uphold the peace. I cannot imagine how sasuke felt. For those who reading naruto, you know that the reason of existence for Sasuke is to revenge for his clan by killing his brother. He give up everything for his revenge. Now he not only lost his reason of existence but also his brother. Faster Naruto, find sasuke ... he really need you :(.
I cannot imagine what if something that we hold, we breath and life with it , end up to be false and it was too late to regret it like sasuke .. sungguh sedihkan .. emmm actually the feeling is deeper than sedih sebab sekarang ni pun, I feel pain when thinking abt it.
Ini tak masuk lagi future sedih sebab its turn out that the people yang responsible with Uchiha clan wiped off is the elder from Konoho. So nanti Naruo has to fight with sasuke ... uhuhhuh sedih macam manakah?? tak sabar nak tunggu .. hahahhaha

Sepi

I'm watching sepi yesterday. Quite good movie and I like it. I think I like it more than Cinta. So I guess I'm more lonely person than loving person :p. I was talking to my friend about sepi and how the movie touch my heart, then suddenly my frined asked me. "Do you think a lot of people sepi?" My answer?, " Yes .. I think everyone sepi either we realising or not". Then my friend asked again " Why you say that" ... and i realize i dont have the answer .. I just say it but I do think its true. So I just keep quiet.. hahahahah .
But later I started asking my sister and my mum .. Both their answer slightly identical. "Kita rasa sepi bile malam takde apa nak buat, tv takde cerita best etc". From there I realize that sepi came when you dont have purpose.. and it same to life. In our life, sepi is always there if we didnt have purpose. As muslim, our solely purpose is to serve god and if we deprioritize that purppose, I guess that what make us "Sepi". But in real life, when we are busy with worldly task and attraction we do forget our real purpose. This what bring us closer to sepi either we realize or not. For most of people including me, we try to supress this sepi by tie ourselves busy sampai takde masa nak think or feel abt the sepi although it is there. We just lost our 6th sense.
Tiba2 terpikir satu benda lak. If you ask me what I think of sepi, my answer simply.. It's dark .. it black.. and empty. My friend also say that God are source of light and without Him, we totally in dark. I think in Quran also did say people who didnt believe in God is like a blind guy which mean he didnt get the light. Doesn't it related? Without God, we have no light and without light we are in dark.. and dark is SEPI.
It easy to find this connection but the hard thing is to pull yourself from this sepi :(

Naruto ....

I just want to share one thought that suddenly cross my mind. Recently I tgh dilanda demam naruto balik dgn adanya my imac. The anime was so good and it make me feel so humble. How love and friendship can lead to something impossible.The whole concept of this anime centred to a guy that have super power where he's not that skilled or even wise or smart or genious but he make everyone that ever met him to have bond to each other and willing to scariface their life for friend and family. I think thats the most super power in this world.
I notice the message totally different between japan anime and American cartoon. Take for example superman, spriderman or hulk. There are super duper mighty in power who try to uphold the justice. While the japanese anime like One Piece, Naruto, bleach is all about friendship and sacrifice. Notice or not this whole cartoon thingy do have some impact to our life. For example in US, there are a few case budak2 sekolah tembak org. Why they do that? We can say they are depressed but if we try to look from their perspective, they actually try to uphold justice in their own understanding. While you hardly heard this kind of thing in Japan. And japaneese are seens as one of the most loyal community in this world.
Then it come to the next question. Japanese anime and US cartoon are created by human or in another word by society and it does impact the society. So this thing will always be connected together like chicken and egg question. My friend help me to find a good sentence that describe all this ... Does art imitate people or people imitate art... It is a question that worth to give a thought....

My new toy :)

Conspiracy theory

Just now while having lunch, me and housemate talking abt our current polical drama yang semakin hangat mengalahkan soap opera. She come out with one conspricy theory which i nvr thought of but I do think people are capable to do that.
At first aku dok wonder la .. betul ke tuduhan sodomize kat Anuar tu. Macam rasa tak percaya. Although aku dok berapa suke dgn dia sebab rasa dia kejar kepentingan sendiri but the sodomize acussation tu macam agak berat. Tapi xkan le gomen begitu bodoh using the same tactic utk jatuhkan org yang sama. So here come my housemate theory which i think she also capable directing soap opera .. hehheheh
So her theory is that the latest sodomize accusation is fabricate by Anuar himself. Why? Because let say ada 2 org tgh bergaduh .. Ali & Abu. Suddenly Ali received a death threath. Logically semua org akan rasa Abu la yang hantar kan. What if ... Ali send to himself to gain pity or in this case more to support? Its so cunning right but human capable to do that. I just don't know Anuar too well to agree or disagree with this theory. There are several event that led her to make this conspiracy which one of it why it was so fast Wan Azizah has that guy photo with minister.
Another theory was on Najib's scandal. Keterangan bersumpah dari PI Razak baginda tu. What the he** x sampai 24 jam dah buat another keterangan yang berbeza. Did somebody are threaten him? or even the first keterangan bersumpah was fabricate to gain support? Confuse rite ...
But for sure, in all the scandal somebody are speaking the truth while there are ppl who lying. We as the audience can just listen and make our assumption. Will we ever know the truth ?? YES. Allah has promised us the day when everything will be revealed. Good deed will be reward accordingly and bad deed will be punished. It just, I'm not sure if I will be too free that time to busybody that time to findout who is correct as me too will be judge. :(. I just hope one day .. my world will be free of all this doubt ...

Anwar di Kuala Kangsar ...

emm .. kat the star cakap Anwar eyeing for Kuala Kangsar. I dont know why .. but i feel like .. "uhhuh .. akhirnya Kuala Kangsar gak". I dont know the exact population ratio but I think Malay population in Kuala Kangsar should be quite high .. kalau tak kenapa Rafidah Aziz lawan ngn Pas kat sana. My main point is ... dulu dekat2 nak GE my friend cakap yg Anwar cakap he will not contest on the seat that are sure win or seat that have a lots of Malays. But now sound different lak .. maybe his excuses, better to add one more ...lagipun susah kot nak cari org yg rela give up their MP's status :p. Power are seductive...

Stacy juara AF.

Semlm aku tido awal. Tgh tido tiba2 terdengar benda meletup. Rupanya firework. I'm not sure what they have in Pisa but the firework lasted for quite some times and bunyi nye sungguh sungguh kuat. Benda tu sgt lama sampai i start to feel scared. Really scared. What IF .. it actually a BOM. Terbayang plak bangunan runtuh kat China. Then terpikir lak dulu mase perang dunia .. macam mana perasan org2 mase tu yang actually dengar bunyi bom2 .. now aku dengar bunyi kuat cam ni even i know it firework, i have uneasy feeling but what about them .. they heard and they know it is bom .. They just waiting and hoping the bom not hit them. It really a trauma for them... But personally i think in that situation, although life+safety is important, but most thing that they will worry is the feeling of people that they will leave behind... it so SAD.

Makan Makan Makan

Saya sangat suke makan .. dari pagi asyik terbayang2 je makanan2 .. uhhuhh . Ini adalah antara makanan yang saya selalu terbayang2.

Instant Mee
- Ayam Slurpp Mamee
- Laksa Slurpp Mamee
- TomYam Maggi
- Mee Goreng Thai IndoMee yang kemudian nya digoreng tanpa minyak diatas api

Biscuit
- Oreo Delight :Coklat and peanut butter.
- Chipsmore Hazelnut
- Biscuit Ketam koperasi
- Rocky cokelat

Local Delights
- sambal sardin mak saya
- sambal tumis mak saya
- Char Keuw tiew Sani
- Laksa Kampung kat Pasar malam Sg Ara
- Ayam panggang kat Pasar malam Sg Ara
- Otak- otak gelang patah
- Tomyam Pak Husin
- Nasi Lemak Liverpool
- Nasi Dalcha Jelutong - ayam masak hitam
- Pisang Goreng and Cempedak Goreng makcik depan rumah
- Cendul kat giant, cendul yang kish bawak.
- Apam balik depan Sunshine Square
- Meehun Sup Nazir
- Terung masak sambal
- Pasembur kat Padang Brown/Gurney
- Rojak Mee kat kg saya
- Mee Goreng Kering kat depan rumah
- Mee goreng kapitan - tapi sekarang cam kureng..
- Soto mak yah
- Jiu Hu Char

Drinks
- Peel Fresh Orange without pulps

Cokelat /Dessert
- Blueberry Cheese tart kat King's
- Yogurt Strawberry Cheese kat Secret Recipe
- IceCream cokelat - belgium bersama almond uhhuhh
- Croissant yang sedap. uhhuhh .. hanya jumpa kat IC
- Roti cokelat yang juwa dijumpa kat IC. Tempat lain keras.
- Roti pizza kat Bread Garden


uhuhhu .. saya amatle low maintainance

Singapore os a FINE city

I just came back from Singapore. A nice city .. very clean but very hectic. People walk very fast. At first I didnt realize why i felt tired every nite and time seems to be less than 24hrs there. Then I realize, car make a bit different in our life. Taking public transport make me walking, standing and travelling a lot. Most of the time/energy spends on the journey itself. They have a lots of rules .. and they really implement it. Nobody eat chewing gum and the best thing is .. nobody smoke in public. I like that one .. hehhehe...
They system are good. Seriously good. I think their MRT maybe better than London interm of frequency of services. Lots of Tourist Information centre but they are CITY of MONEY. All the rules involved money. Even the public transport, they just have Ezy Card( TouchN Go kind of thingy) which give you discount every journey. There is no monthly pass.
Branded stuff are cheap relative to their currency. You can get a nice, comfort shoes below $50 even $30 but foods and services are equivalent dollar to RM. Mentos sold in 7-11 for $1.40 but Evian waters just $1.70. So weird :). I think Singapore is good if you are young, stylo mylo but if you prefer a slow life ( like me) .. Singapore are not for us.
Life in Singapore seems to be higher standard than Malaysia but I think in reality there are lots of people suffer. Lots of people have to take multiple job to sustain with the life. I talked to the Taxi uncle on my way back. Uhh pity gak le. They can't buy Taxi by themself even if they have money/permit. They have to get rent it from a company for $105 per day. So in a month, taxi driver hv to pay ~$3150 excluding diesel. Full tank of diesel is abt $70, so in total, everyday he must earn more than $180 which make him to work more than 16 hours per day. So everyone have to be hardworking..

Thinking ....

I have to start thinking abt something if not my brain will not working ( comment from my friend )... emmm what should I think first.. religion? politics? arrghhhh pening2 .. the problem abt politics is every party have a very good manifesto but it very hard for us to know if it just janji2 kosong or it something they will do. Even if something that they will do, not sure if they can do it or not.
For example kalau le saya jadik ahli parlimen Pontian. Me too, want Pontian to develop.. so what should I do? I think by raising the issue to Parliment may not solving the issue. I have to figure out apa kah pontensi Pontian... pastu nak memanipulate lak potensi tu .. wahh susahnye.. pastu nak jaga keselamatan lak. aduhh2 ..So walaupun org tu baik and have a good itention .. it doesnt mean it will end up good. We need someone who are sharp and smart to plan for this thing ... How you know if a person is smart? I just listen to them talking. From my experience, people who good at talking are not a good at action.. and we know a person better after working with them.. Nampaknya terpaksa la masuk politik :p
Itu baru jadik benda yg objective.. how abt unity, freedom and all the sensitive freedom. It even hard ... So kesimpulannya .. susahkan nak pikir...

btw .. i just love last weekends .. lots of friends, food and shopping :)

Are we Muslims because we believe in Allah, or do we believe in Allah because we are Muslims?

Some sharing .....from http://www.nur.org/en/nurcenter/nurlibrary/The_Risale_i_Nur_A_revolution_of_belief_72

THE RISALE-I NUR: A REVOLUTION OF BELIEF
Dr. Colin Turner

I have also heard the Risale-i Nur described as revolutionary, and with this I agree. But I am not talking about revolution in the political sense of the word. There is no mention of this in the Risale-i Nur, although I am sure that had Bediuzzaman advocated the violent overthrow of all secular governments, the Risale-i Nur would be required reading in every Western university, and Bediuzzaman would be a household name in the West.
As someone born and raised in Britain, I am often asked what we as Muslims have to offer to the West. But before I answer, I should like to ask a question myself: Are we Muslims because we believe in Allah, or do we believe in Allah because we are Muslims?
The question occurred to me during a march through the streets of London, over a decade ago, to protest against the Russian occupation of Afghanistan. I'd made a formal conversion to Islam several years prior to this, and it wasn't my first demonstration. There were banners and placards and much shouting and chanting. And in between "Russians out," "Death to Breshnev," and "Muslims of Afghanistan rise up," we shouted our own Islamic slogans: Allahu akbar and La ilaha illa Allah.
Towards the end of the demonstration I was approached by a young man who introduced himself as someone interested in Islam. "Excuse me," he said, "but what is the meaning of La ilaha illa Allah?"
Without a moment's hesitation I answered, "There is no god but Allah." 'Tm not asking you to translate it," he said, 'Tm asking you to tell me what it really means." There was a long awkward silence as it dawned on me that I was unable to answer him.
You are no doubt thinking, "What kind of Muslim is it that does not know the real meaning of La ilaha illa Allah?" To this I would have to say: a typical one. That evening I pondered my ignorance; being in the majority didn't help, it simply made me more depressed.
So how did I become a Muslim? You've no doubt heard the anecdote about Nasreddin Hoja. A friend of his called on him one day and found Hoja sitting in front of a large basket of chillies. His eyes were red and swollen, blood dripped from his gums and tears from his eyes. Yet he carried on eating. Why are you torturing yourself, his friend asked. Because, said Nasreddin Hoja, biting into another pepper, I'm hoping one of them will be sweet.
I had been in the same position myself. No ideology or alternative life-style that I tried could satisfy the inner need for something more, something worth existing for, that elusive something that is always just around the comer but never seems to appear. Disenchanted with every aspect of my life, I left Britain and somehow drifted towards the Middle East. It was not a conscious choice. And it was there that I found the sweet chilli pepper.
Islam simply made sense, in a way that nothing else ever had. It had roles of government, it had an economic system, it had regulations covering every facet of day-to-day existence. It was egalitarian and addressed to all races, and it was clear and easy to understand. Oh, and it has a God, One God, in whom I had always vaguely believed. That was that. I said La ilaha ilia Allah and I was part of the community. For the first time in my life I belonged.
New converts are invariably enthusiastic to know as much as possible about their religion in the shortest possible time. In the few years that followed, my library grew rapidly. There was so much to learn, and so many books ready to teach. Books on the history of Islam, the economic system of Islam, the concept of government in Islam; countless manuals of Islamic jurisprudence, and, best of all, books on Islam and revolution, on how Muslims were to rise up and establish Islamic governments, Islamic republics. When I returned to Britain in early '79 to begin a University course, I was ready to introduce Islam to the West.
It was to these books that I turned for an answer to the question "What is the meaning of La ilaha illa Allah?" Again I was disappointed. The books were about Islam, not about Allah. They covered every subject you could possibly imagine except for the one which really mattered. I put the question to the imam at the University mosque. He made an excuse and left. Then a brother who had overheard my impertinent question to the imam came over and said: "I have a tafsir of La ilaha illa Allah. If you like we could read it together." I imagined that it would be ten or twenty pages at the most. It turned out to have over 5000 pages, in several books. It was, as I'm sure you're aware, the Risale-i Nur by Ustad Bediuzzaman Said Nursi.
Initially, I dismissed the Risale-i Nut as mysticism. My brother pointed out that this was the reaction of a closed mind. Without the intellectual crutches provided by my old books, I felt ignorant and lost. It was a completely new language, a totally new vision. My brother sensed my unease. He said: "Don't worry. The books you have read before all have their place. They are the skin. But this," he said, tapping a copy of The Supreme Sign, "this is the fruit." So we began to read, this time in the name of Allah, and slowly things began to fall into place.
Each of us is born in total ignorance; the desire to know ourselves and our world is an innate one. Thus "Who am I? Where did I come from? What is this place in which I find myself? What is my duty here? Who is responsible for bringing me into existence'?" -- these are questions which each of us answers in his own way, either through direct observation or through blind acceptance of the answers suggested by others. And how one lives one's life, the criterion by which one acts in this world, depends totally on the nature of those answers. The Supreme Sign is no less than a guided tour of the cosmos, and the traveler is one who is seeking answers to these questions.
The Supreme Sign does not presuppose belief in God; rather it travels from the created to the Creator. And it affirms that anyone who sincerely wishes to answer the questions, and who looks upon the created world as it is, and not as he wishes or imagines it to be, must inevitably come to the conclusion La ilaha ilia Allah. For he will see order and harmony, beauty and equilibrium, justice and mercy, dominicality and munificence; and at the same time he will realize that those attributes are pointing not to the created beings themselves but to a Reality in which all of these attributes exist in perfection and absoluteness. He will see that the created world is thus a book of names, an index, which seek to tell about its Owner.
In Nature, Cause or Effect?, Bediuzzaman takes the interpretation of La ilaha illa Allah even further. The notion that he examines is that of causality, the cornerstone of materialism and the pillar upon which modern science has been constructed. Belief in causality gives rise to statements such as: It is natural; Nature created it; it happened by chance, and so on. With reasoned arguments, Bediuzzaman explodes the myth of causality and demonstrates that those who adhere to-this belief are looking at the cosmos not as it actually is, or how it appears to be, but how they would like to think it is.
In Tabiat Risalesi [Nature, Cause or Effect?], Bediuzzaman demonstrates that all beings, on all levels, are interrelated, interconnected and interdependent, like concentric or intersecting circles. He shows that beings come into existence as though from nowhere, and, during their brief lives, each with its own particular purpose, goal and mission, act as mirrors in which various attributes, and countless configurations of names, are displayed. Their createdness, transience, impotence and contin-gence, their total dependence on factors other than themselves prove beyond doubt that they cannot be the owners of that which they appear to possess, let alone bestow attributes of perfection on beings that are similar to or greater than themselves.
The materialists however, see things differently -- they do not see different things. They ask us to believe that this cosmos, whose innate order and harmony they do not deny, is ultimately the work of chance. Of chaos and disorder, of sheer accident. They then ask us to believe that this cosmos is sustained by the mechanistic interplay of causes -- whatever they may be, and not even the materialists know for sure -- causes which are themselves created, impotent, ignorant, transient and purposeless, but which somehow contrive, through laws which appeared out of nowhere, to produce the orderly works of art of symphonies of harmony and equilibrium that we see and hear around us.
Like Abraham in the house of idols, Bediuzzaman destroys these myths and superstitions. Given that all things are inter-connected, he reiterates, whatever it is that brings existence to the seed of a flower must also be responsible for the flower itself; and given their interdependence, whatever brings into existence the flower must also be responsible for the tree; and given the fact that they are interrelated, whatever brings into existence the tree must 'also be responsible for the forest, and so on. Thus to be able to create a single atom, one must also be able to create the whole cosmos. That is surely a tall order for a cause which is blind, impotent, transient, dependent and devoid of knowledge of our purpose.
More and more scientists are beginning to realize that the mechanistic theories of old are simply no longer sustainable. Faced with beauty, awesomeness, order, harmony, symmetry and purpose, attempts to explain away creation by evoking the idea of chance and causality are becoming increasingly untenable. Many are so outraged at the imminent collapse of their old gods that they lapse into hysteria:
One celebrated biologist -- and biology is still the most rigidly mechanistic of disciplines -- is on record as having said "Funnily, the more beauty and harmony I discover in the cosmos, the more convinced I become of its meaninglessness." The poor man seems not to have understood that if everything is meaningless, his own effect to that is equally so. Another famous -- or should I say infamous -- scientist, also a biologist, asserts that the existence of beings, and in particular the phenomenon of form, can in no way be attributed to the random motions of blind, unknowing and impotent causes. He is not alone in his thinking, but he is the first eminent Western biologist to state such beliefs openly. Interestingly enough, he likens the state of the Western scientific fraternity to Russia under Breshnev.
The mechanistic theory is the rigid, all-powerful orthodoxy to which all scientists - biologists in particular - must bow down if they are to retain their credibility and their jobs. And so they are forced to live a fearful charade, shouting their loyalty in public but whispering their real thoughts in private. When the book in which he attacks causality was published, the magazine The New Scientist described it as a "candidate for burning." Since then, the author of this book has become an outcast, the Salman Rushdie of Western science.
Such widely differing opinions as to the viability of the causal hypothesis show that the attribution of creative power to Nature or natural laws is by no means .the inevitable corollary of objective, scientific investigation. It is no more than a personal opinion. Similarly, denial of the Creator of the cosmos, who has placed apparent causes there as veils to cover His hand of power, is not an act of reason but an act of will. In short, causality is a crude and cunning device with which man distributes the property of the Creator among the created in order that he might set himself up as absolute owner and ruler of all that he has, and all that he is.
My aim was not to summarize the Risale-i Nur, but to show how far removed my previous conceptions about Allah were before reading this work. I thought that by saying La ilaha illa Allah, I had said all there was to be said about Allah. Thanks to the Risale-i Nur, I was now able to see that previously, God had been something that I had brought in to complete the occasion, an unknown factor placed almost arbitrarily at the beginning of creation to avoid the impossibility of infinite regression. He had been the 'First Cause,' the 'Prime Mover,' a veritable 'God of the gaps.' He had been rather a constitutional monarch of the English variety, who must be treated with the utmost respect but not allowed to interfere in the affairs of everyday life.
Inspired by the verse La ilaha illa Allah, the Risale-i Nut shows that the signs of God, these mirrors of His Names and attributes, are revealed to us constantly in new and ever- changing forms and configurations, eliciting acknowledgment, acceptance, submission, love and worship. The Risale-i Nur showed that there is a distinct process involved in becoming Muslim in the true sense of the word: contemplation to know-ledge, knowledge to affirmation, affirmation to belief or conviction, and from conviction to submission. And since each new moment, each new day, sees the revelation of fresh aspects of Divine truth, this process is a continuous one. The external practices of Islam, the formal acts of worship, are thus in a sense static. Belief, however, is subject to increase or decrease, depending on the continuance of the process I have just mentioned. Thus it is the reality of belief that deserves most of our attention; from there the realities of Islam will follow on inevitably.
Thus I can say that I had been a Muslim but not a believer; that which I had assumed was belief was in reality nothing more than the inability to deny. Bediuzzaman was not responsible for introducing me to Islam -- which anyone could have done -- but for introducing me to belief. Belief through investigation, not through imitation.
Let's return now to the question: What do we, as Muslims, have to offer to the West. The answer is: everything and nothing. We have belief and Islam, which is everything; and we have our understanding and interpretation of Islam, which in most cases amounts nothing much at all.
As is evident from the books which introduced me to Islam, almost everything that has been written with the West in mind has been done more or less on the level of some benign cultural exchange. Almost invariably the central question of belief has been glossed over or ignored completely.
In the Qur'an, the word 'Allah' appears more than 2500 times, the word 'Islam' less than ten. In a good deal of modern Muslim writing, the ratio is roughly reversed. In the Qur'an, the ratio between iman and islam is 5:1 in favor of iman. In Arabic book titles until the end of the 19th century, islam slightly outnumbers iman in a ratio of 3:2. By the Sixties, this has had jumped to 13:1, and today it is undoubtedly higher. Inevitably, then, the approach to the West has centered on Islam as a system, as an alternative 'ideology', presented almost totally without reference to the realities of belief.
Another reason why our approach to the West has made little headway is that we have misunderstood the West. The West is not only a geopolitical entity, it is also a metaphor. Geographically, the West was the first place to witness a mass revolt against the Divine. Modem Western civilization is the first of which we have knowledge that does not have some formal structure of religious belief at its heart. The West is thus a metaphor for the setting of the sun of religious belief; a metaphor for the eclipse of God. And since this eclipse is no longer confined to the geopolitical West, one may say that wherever the truths of belief have been discarded, there is the West. Thus the West should be seen as a state of mind, a disease, an aberration. The root cause of this, as Bediuzzaman Said Nursi points out, is the disease of self-worship, of 'ENE' (Ana, the T or ego).
From the beginning of the Renaissance, man in the West has been his own point of reference, the center of his own universe, the sole criterion by which he lives out his pathetic life. He has stolen the clothes of the Divine Names and has dressed himself in them and paraded as God. The problem is that they do not fit, and cannot fit. Unwilling to accept that his duty is merely to reflect the Divine attributes in the name of the Creator and according to His Will, he claims them as his own property and spends a lifetime trying to add to his imaginary possessions. Seeking the infinite from the finite drags him into a fierce and often murderous competition with his fellow beings. Man's endless desires are heightened by the fact that he is limited, impotent and dependent, and bound one day to give up all that he imagined was his and face annihilation. His limitations and deficiencies, which should serve to remind him of his absolute dependence and impotence, he contrives to conceal. Western man frees from ill thoughts of his ultimate destiny, smothers his innate ability to know and love the Creator, to recognize that man is nothing and can have nothing of his own. ~
The secular, self-absorbed society of the West is designed on all levels to blind and stupefy. T0 mask the fact that the religion of the self has failed to live up to its promises; that the secular trinity of 'unlimited progress, absolute freedom and unrestricted happiness' is as meaningless as the Christian Trinity discarded centuries ago. To cover up the fact that economic and scientific progress which has secular humanism as its underlying ethos, has turned the West into a spiritual wasteland and ravaged generation after generation. Yet there are those who are beginning to awake, to realize the illusion under which they have been living. It is to these that the disease of ENE must be pointed out. It is no use telling one who is afflicted with this disease that the Islamic economic or judicial system is the most egalitarian or most just. You cannot cure a man suffering from cancer by giving him a new coat. What is needed is a correct diagnosis, radical surgery and constant back-up treatment. The Risale-i Nur provides all of these. You will recall that I dismissed the Risale-i Nur initially as mysticism, and I have also heard others describe it thus. The troth is otherwise, for there is nothing esoteric about the stark choice Said Nursi puts before us: belief or unbelief, eternal felicity or eternal wretchedness, salvation or perdition, heaven or hell -- in this world and the next.
I have also heard the Risale-i Nur described as revolutionary, and with this I agree. But I am not talking about revolution in the political sense of the word. There is no mention of this in the Risale-i Nut, although I am sure that had Bediuzzaman advocated the violent overthrow of all secular governments, the Risale-i Nur would be required reading in every Western university, and Bediuzzaman would be a household name in the West.
After all, the West has a soft spot for extremism, especially when flavored with religion. What can be better, more beautiful, more delicious in the eyes of the Western media than the sight of thousands of angry Muslims in some far-off, violent city screaming "Death to America!" and demanding revolution and the re-introduction of the Shari'a? The West no longer has to go to the trouble of misrepresenting Islam: we do it for them, and they simply film it for their own consumption. I remember watching such a demonstration over a decade ago, in a place where America is known as the great Satan. What struck me at the time was the fact that maybe 70% of the crowd were dressed in Levis, and that every cigarette smoked as the demonstration dispersed was either a Marlborough or a Winston. As one hand cuts a or claims to cut a the ties that bind us to the West, the other hand fastens them even tighter.
Yet still we claim that it is time for action, that we have spoken enough. I've actually heard this said in reference to the Risale-i Nur. It is all talk, someone said, and no action. But we have not talked, we have merely moaned and wailed. And because we have not talked, not conversed, brother to brother, believer to believer, Muslim to Muslim, in the name of Allah, in the language of the Qur'an and in the language of the book of creation, then when we act we set incorrectly, without authority, without discipline, without a true criterion and frame of reference. And ultimately without any lasting result. The West understands this perfectly.
No, the kind of revolution clamoured for on the streets of Tehran, Cairo or Algiers is not the kind of 'revolution that Bediuzzaman advocates. The kind of revolution envisaged by the Risale-i Nur is a revolution of the mind, of the heart, of the soul and the spirit. It is not an Islamic revolution but a revolution of belief. As such it works on two levels: it is designed to lead Muslims from belief by imitation to belief through investigation, and to lead unbelievers from worship of the self to worship of Allah. And that is why, in the eyes of those who control the West, a work such as the Risale-i Nur is deadly.
Finally, I would say this: After many years of searching and comparing, I can say that the Risale-i Nur is the only self-contained, comprehensive Islamic work that sees the cosmos as it actually is, presents the reality of belief as it truly is, interprets the Qur'an as our Prophet intended, diagnoses the real and very dangerous diseases that afflict modern man, and offers a cure. A work such as the Risale-i Nur, which reflects the light of the Qur'an and illuminates the cosmos, cannot be ignored. For only Islam stands between modern man and catastrophe, and I believe that the future of Islam depends on the Risale-i Nur and on those who follow and are inspired by its teachings.

kacang kacang

saya telah mencuba merebus kacang sendiri .. tapi lepas 4 jam merebus selama 2 hari .. kacang tu tak gak lembut2...uhhuh .. nampaknye forever le terpakse beli je kacang rebus.. :(